The Tales of The Brown Woman

Fatigue

2009-05-18T11:01:00.001-07:00

Defined when there is decreased oxygen perfusion to body tissues, particularly in muscles.
I lack oxygen :(
Going through congenital heart diseases for the third time is making me sad. No more dr thani next sem :( he really is an awesome lecturer - mean judge though, heh
Monash bags another one of imu's competent lecturers yet again!
Screw is not gonna let me hear the end of this one.

Sigh

2009-04-13T09:21:00.001-07:00

Why won’t people ever realise, even those closest to me, that it really really annoys and hurts me when they won’t talk to me and tell me what’s wrong instead.

Confront me. Issues get resolved better, faster and there is no pent-up emotion. One day, all repression will explode and in a way you wouldn’t want it to. That, can be detrimental to any type of human relationship.

Because some words are hard to take back once said.

I always encourage people to think. Think. Communication too requires thinking. Especially, if you intend to form healthy relationships with people.

If you value the relationship I have with you, confront me. Tell me what it is that’s bugging you, what it is I’ve done. And that way, I can learn to not do it again and we can both save ourselves the trouble of getting hurt and upset with each other.

If you value us, confront me.

If you don’t, I can take a hint.

I wonder why. . .

2009-04-13T09:14:00.001-07:00

. . .Dr Judson wants to be named after a human organ =P

Rain right through me

2009-04-11T22:06:00.001-07:00

“She had fire in her soul it was easy to see
How the devil himself could be pulled out of me,”

-Into The Night, Chad Kroeger & Santanna

This one’s for Gajan =P

I unfortunately do NOT have pictures to help with the narration of HOW we got to Glad Tiding’s church WITHOUT the aid of my trusty steed *pets car* but wow was it interesting.

First of all, my mother decided to have a paranoia attack.

Yes folks. With a lil more funding –perhaps from the IMU, the SRC and maybe even Leslie’s pocket eh? :P – I could channel all this zesty hyperactivity into research work. Paranoia attacks do exist. My mother is a chronic sufferer of said condition.

She suddenly decides to drop me off at uni –because I told her I was going to be at uni for a play, god forbid the woman finds out I was ACTUALLY out with a boy- and as such, I couldn’t say no and just HAD to go along with it. So she dropped me off, I met up with The Dark Knight at the student lounge and then it decided to rain as we hailed a cab before heading to Glad Tidings.

Which turned out, to be the FRICKIN’ WRONG CHURCH.

So here’s the deal. A bunch of indian people getting out of a cab in the rain, with our umbrellas, we walk into this church – they actually open the gate for us – and then tell us once we’re inside that this is, in fact, a Chinese church.

-_-

I didn’t know that there were chinese, indian –and maybe malay?- churches even. Does it MATTER? You’re all frickin’ Christian! Does it MATTER what race you belong to?!

Well apparently it does to the nice man who told us, oh-so eloquently

“This is a chinese church,”

So the two, disgruntled, Indian people walked out of the Chinese church in the rain to search for the NEW Glad Tidings church.

I’ll have to say, the church had pretty awesome facilities. Their auditoriums were awesome, the place looked good. And well the play. . .the play was alright. But I do think I’ve seen MUCH better acting. With the likes of Jit Murad –then again, the dude’s morality’s questionable and he’s a MUCH better playwright anyway- and even that dude who played the indian uncle in the hit series, Kopitiam. He was even in The King and I. Now THAT is raw local talent.

Although at some point when it started getting too sermon-like, I begun to lost interest.

I have no intentions of disrespecting beliefs and what not, but we are all entitled to our own beliefs. I can’t be forced into a belief. It puts me off totally. Throughout the entire time, the preacher talked of God’s plan. Something about not understanding what it is, but apparently, The Dude has a plan.

Everyone keeps saying it. God has a plan. For all of us.

What the frickin’ hell is that plan?

And why does NO ONE seem to know it but merely go on stating that there IS a plan. People, if there’s a plan, I’d like to know what it is.

My scientific mind will stick to this : if no one can explain to me this plan, as such, the plan does not exist.

Do I believe in God? It’s hard to say. I don’t like blaming someone for all the bad things that happen to me or run to him to complain of all the bad. I believe in a higher purpose, I suppose. I believe in principles and I noticed something from all I watched today at that church.

People need hope. They need a reason to believe they’re on this planet for a purpose. So comes the phrase, ‘God has a plan’. And I realised that most of the sermon consisted of people getting together in their moments of weakness and vulnerability.

Why do you only need to see God in moments of weakness?

I am Hindu by record. By faith, I do not belong to any religion. I’m a devotee of humanity, a citizen of the world. I don’t need a category, a faith. I believe in values, principles and morals. I believe that religion was put on this planet to give people hope, to guide the weak and set them on the right path.

I don’t need religion. It doesn’t mean I discern God. I just don’t need religion.

At any rate, I was fidgety throughout the entire sermon. It was good that Wonderboy hadn’t come. He would have just fizzled or stormed outta the thing before he burnt to a crisp.

I understand enthusiasm. But you know, it’s psychological. When you’re weary, low and down, the support of all the people around you, gets you uplifted. Which is a good thing, sure, but people blame it on divinity that they’ve never seen.

Call me a cynic. But this is me, and I don’t think it’s changing anytime soon.

We watched the play from a screen –_- because it was playing in several auditoriums at once.

Gajan seemed very into the whole thing so midway I began to fidget with my phone and as it got closer to Cinderella time, I kept typing messages to him - akin to that of an impatient kid – to ask ‘Can we go now?’ and at some point, the pastor asked those that wanted to accept Jesus into their lives to come forward. I didn’t think I was going to do anything earth-shattering like converting to a different faith that night and I suppose Gajan was of the same insight so we made our way out with the folk that were heading out and who should we bump into on the way out?

Benedict.

Who also went “So do you take Jesus into your hearts?” ala sermon-like =P

So apparently, this was his church. After talking to a few people and trying to be converted by a dude called Erwin, we ‘bounced’ and left for Mackers. Which is, apparently, another name for McDees.

Ben being Ben, was a riot, doing and saying the most gay-est of things. We ploughed through dinner talking about all kindsa crap in that 3-storey-high McDees outlet near Digital Mall and then I saw 4 missed calls from home which was about time to panic. So I panicked the boys, by some incredible luck we managed to hail a cab –this was where we parted from Ben- and headed all the way back to BJ (Bukit Jalil).

Most of our night was spent travelling around in the cab. But you know what? We had fun. It was funny tho, walking in the rain, hunting for a cab, worrying about getting stuck in PJ with no transport – I never realised how vulnerable I felt without my car!- and getting water sloshed all over our feet. But haha, it was an experience alright.

Coming into Vista, we bumped into Dr Francis who had just come in from a Good Friday service at St Francis Xavier church, the one we had been waiting by for a cab for a VERY long time. The irony.

It was an interesting Friday out.

Tho next week, I’m gonna want some alcohol involved.

Brown Woman, over and out. Have a good weekend folks.

Masquerade

2009-04-11T09:38:00.001-07:00

“So, put on that face,”

“What face?”

“You know, that mask you love to wear. Other people like it but I personally feel its a scham,”

“Hey. People love the mask. It’s colourful, it’s hot, it’s funny, it’s everything. Feathery too. Yet sultry. With a hint of corniness,”

“It’s still a scham. You never go out without it,”

“So?”

“So you’re lying to yourself,”

“No I’m not. The sun gets too hot sometimes,”

“So the MASK, is going to protect you?”

“Pretty much. Don’t think the sun’s gonna sting my corneas unless I stare at it. And for that I’d have to be the numskull that’s you,”

“Well sure. Keep your mask. But I know why you put it on,”

“Because it’s awesome?”

“Because it’s protection,”

“I think we kinda covered that with the mention of the sun and scorched corneas,”

“Smart-ass,”

“Only the best in town,”

“So. Back to what I was saying. You wear this mask because of the sun. But the thing is, the sun ain’t gonna be there all the time. Some days it rains. You take it off then?”

“Kinda. No one really comes out in the rain, so it’s safe,”

“Wait, the mask is for protection, against the sun. Why are you implicating people here?”

“When they said you had the brain the size of a pea, they weren’t joking, were they?”

"You know what, stuff it. Take your mask, let it protect you from the sun and what not, but has anyone ever seen you without this mask?”

“No,”

“And why not?”

“Because it’s not safe,”

“Why?”

“It just isn’t,”

~ To be continued

God has a plan

2009-04-11T09:14:00.001-07:00

“And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you,”

-Friedrich Nietzsche

I’ve had a pretty productive week.

In just one week, I’ve lost 3 people I hold close to me.

I think I should get a medal for this, don’t you?

=(

2009-04-09T08:39:00.001-07:00

I miss my iph blog.

I’ve decided to update that one as well –the link is at the sidebar-, along with this one. This one is the primary –because Malaysian internet doesn’t do well with java-based sites- and that one, where all my private posts go and the stuff that’s here too.

The nice thing about iph is, that you can be a dimwit when it comes to toggling with html. But still come up with the most amazing layouts. Also, it looks pretty, it’s easy to use, blablablah.

So in short, I’m updating both, if your net’s fast enough check both. And I’m ok with letting you guys read that one because either way, yall still never gonna be able to read the private ones. Hah!

All I ever wanted, all I ever needed

2009-04-09T07:42:00.001-07:00

“Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm,”

After such a long time, I turn on Linkin Park’s remix of Depeche Mode’s age-old-but-gold number, Enjoy The Silence.

I seem to be getting quite a lot of silence.

It’s just one of those days.

One of those rare moments.

When you sit up in bed, with Luthor on the lap, music a-playing.

And then you reflect.

Biggest mistake, reflecting.

I wish I could say the names. But I can’t. This blog has become much too public already.

So there’s a heffalump who scares me by reading every single thing of me. Then there’s a woozle who won’t stop being a bad-ass. Then there’s a tigger? Cuz she’s the only one.

So who am I?

Vinnie the Pooh of course =P I’m round and cuddly enough!

“In the end, everyone ends up alone,”

So maybe I’m just getting a head start.

“Lying on the floor, surround me,”

Sometimes, I just wish, I had someone who’d know what I’m thinking. I’ve only seen that in just one person so far. And that was a road I never wanna go down again.

“Makes me so damn glad that I’d found you,”

Someone that caters to the wishful thinking that is me, that understands the pain I feel when I see so many things that aren’t right. Someone who just knows, who just knows when to do the right things. When to back off, when to lend a shoulder to cry on.

“No room left to move in between you and I,”

It’s just one of those days. Where hormones and loneliness coupled makes for a good night to turn in early.

It just feels right
I could be seeing things
But you look at me
You just see me
I can't stay hidden
I think I'm smitten

Keys to the puzzle
I never figured out before
How do I let you know
How can I let this show
Somehow you're here
Or there but everywhere

It's always been there
It's never left
Through all this time
This feeling of mine
In this heart of stone
You're just never gone

- Ash

Sitting, waiting, wishing

2009-04-09T02:51:00.001-07:00

“Now I was sitting waiting wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you”

Today has been an interesting day. But let me reflect instead on the past few days.

I’ve seriously had no time for everyone outside uni. My mind has been all over the place. Hormones been raging through my body in and out and I don’t mean hormones in a sexy way, at ALL. I’m talking about serious, dead-on, heavy-duty PMS. The maniacal kind.

In that process, I’ve been cold to some people I might have been nicer to otherwise.

Also in that process, I’ve lost a friend. But he’s not a friend anymore. He’s a monster.

An oldER friend has tried rekindling something but it’s not working because I really am. not. interested. I have no idea how many times I have to say this.

I now have, a new, fantasticly awesome phone. Why?

For reasons I shall not mention here.

Oh yeah baby. I’m back with Sony and once again, with the Walkman phone.

Again this phone pleases the aesthetically-prizing-buyer –such as your incredibly artistic Brown Woman- and features slim model with a nice metal-casing that gives it a sleek chrome-look. The brown looked awesome too but I was dissuaded by the vendor as apparently that colour wears out faster than silver. Plus although the brown looked classic, this one looked high-tech.

It has AWESOME speakers. And an even more awesome camera. Pictures are so clear and in colour and clarity, it gets top marks. Tis candybar which makes it easier to text while driving *coughs* and it has 3G AND came with a 2gb m2 memory card.

Altogether, it’s one sexy phone. And because it’s a Sony, I shall once more have my mobile blogger feature present which will enable all you Ashyville readers to have more picture-guided insights into my colourful world.

We got our results today. I am glad to have passed but in all honesty, that wasn’t what I was aiming for. I was seriously going for an A. But fell like 2 points short of it. A B- is what your Brown Woman got. And she isn’t pleased with herself at all.

I suppose this is a sign. I’ve been panicking about how little I know about Haemato. This is because I haven’t been refreshing my notes after class. I’ve been taking it easy, enjoying this past month, catching up on all social events, campaigning, going out, it’s been just too much. No more will I do this. This time, I have fallen short of my aim. It can’t happen again.

I need to get my mojo back. As such, after tomorrow’s play and that event with Babs on Saturday morning, I will exclude myself from everything else. This weekend will be studying, so will next week even with GI in the picture. Every free moment I get will be devoted to understanding haemato better. I will make time to put my queries up to the lecturers to understand better. I will one day, be an A student. At least once before I leave IMU.

No more taking it easy Ash. No more.

For Doomsday is a-coming.

Work with the SRC hasn’t really gotten into full scale yet but as dear Leslie said, we’re slowly beginning to settle into it. It’s been just a week. Well counting tomorrow. I am liking it and at the same time, I shall focus on getting my studies sorted out. My problem these days is that I let my nervousness get to me too much, I end up underperforming. My confidence has hit an all-time low. It’s time I fixed that and learnt not to panic too much. It never has done me any good so far.

I really love our lecturers. They know so much. We can just learn so much from them. At the same time, I wish our system was much better in the sense that, we don’t have missed classes and lab sessions and what not. Today we missed a lab session. Thank goodness Dr Sri is kind enough to take us in tomorrow to show us what we missed. Ah the discrepancy that is IMU.

I am going to take more pains to meet with them more to get all my questions sorted out. So blur I am about Haemato :(

I apologise in advance, my dear friends outside of uni, if I don’t seem to be seeing much of you or communicating well enough =( It’s been crazy and it’s only gonna get worse come May-June. I promise to be much more of a friend once my exams are over and done with and I can be sure I’m progressing to a new semester.

Just think about it, the better I am at medicine, the safer you’ll feel should you and your family need any medical assistance in anything! =D

Ok. Ash will shut up as of now.

I shall entertain you lot with pictures from my fantasticly awesome phone =D

I think it’s pretty decent for 3.2mp =D

. . .

2009-04-06T09:16:00.001-07:00

“If someone betrays you once, it’s their fault. If someone betrays you twice, it’s YOUR fault,”

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,”

- Eleanor Roosevelt

So this is what it feels like to be on your own. To not have the backing of family. To not have your people.

It’s a pretty bitter pill to swallow, I’ll tell ya that.

Halo

2009-04-05T09:35:00.001-07:00

This song just makes me melt. You can see the emotion in her as she sings. And yet, she’s not a whimpery, whiny, needy woman. She’s strong, confident and capable of showing her emotions.

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now
It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again
Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Halo, halo
Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Much Ado About Everything!

2009-04-05T09:13:00.001-07:00

So here comes the thank you post!

I wanna thank Joanne: Your persistence in helping me gear up for this was incredible. I’ll never forget how you drilled me over MSN AND over the phone AND listened to my speech AND gave me credible criticism =D You rock babe and I’ll always remember this *hugs* You were my rock and my motivator.

Next up, Gajan : Dude, your idea on how the badges should stand out really got me thinking and so I thought striking colours. Also, with Thalisha’s idea on the superhero theme, well, when I put together it just clicked. Everyone loved the badges, everyone wanted to wear a superash badge. Haha. Thanks for also alerting me on knowing what my main vision should be like should folks ask. And thanks for coming to listen to me speak during Hustings =)

Losh, Rosh, Anushya, Thalisha : Dears. . .thank you so much for the banners. The first banner really touched me, it really made my day knowing you guys were supporting me, Sha and Mira all the way. And then Anushya, you darling, you surprised me with that superash banner! *hugs you tightly*

Sha, Ziggy Shahdust, Mira and all my lovelies who contested as well. . .our work’s finally paid off, we’re here now, it’s time to finally put into place what we’ve been talking about for AGES =D

And finally, a big thank you to Emperor Insanity. Though miles away, far far away, and having had to see just pictures of the badges and posters and hear details of the entire thing through many sordid emails and what-not, I thank you dear for being my backbone, my support and helping me cope with all the stress I’ve faced over this time. I cherish that.

So guys, here begins a new term, a new start. There will be plenty of bumps, hard hits, but this is where we all learn –including myself, well myself particularly- and hopefully, we build on an already pretty awesome foundation left for us and just go up from here.

Good luck to all, here we go folks.

*lifts glass*

Cheers.

The Update of The Random

2009-04-04T09:42:00.001-07:00

Well. Let me spare you lot the anxiety *coughs* and update you all on the election status.

Elections

I’m not sure if I can let you lot know the exact details for the entire new council. But as for me, well, I’m. . .

Ladies and gentleman, say hello to your new Social Concerns Rep =D

. . .with 85% of confidence votes. My first thought was, who are the 15% that voted otherwise? Haha, I know, such arrogance and negativity. But then I heard that 85% was pretty good already so well, I’m just gonna leave it as that and work on convincing the other 15% of sceptics that I will not disappoint.

This just in:

I just spoke to our new MRS President and she said it’s A-OK for me to update ze blog so here we go, IMU folk, Ashyville residents and visitors, I give you. . .

The Student Representative Council of IMU (2009-2010)

President: Ziggy Shahdust
Vice President [medicine]: Jodie
Vice President [pharmacy]: Wee Kiat
Vice President [medical sciences]: Iris
Vice President [dentistry]: Jin Lin
Vice President [health sciences]: Sathyan
Secretary: Natasha Ng
Treasurer: Ickes
Public Relations: Pei Jin
Social Concerns Representative: The Brown Woman
Cultural & Religious Representative: Shasha
IT Representative: Alicia
Sports Representative: Mira Swaminathan

Outta the 12 positions there, 8 of them are occupied by females =P

This council will be in full effect come 30th April. Although, I’ve already been set to some work. I have to somehow come up with a proposal of sorts for the extra cash the SRC has. I’m hoping we can use some of that for the Buddy Tea Meet. I’m gonna schedule it for early May. Probably will use Jumbo caterers and we can cut off the number of items off the menu if it’s a lil too pricy. At the moment, their menu seems the most satisfactory. Our family’s always catered from them for all our major events. And so is IMU at this point. Which explains why the standard and variety of food in the cafeteria has increased.

This Monday will be the meeting between the new council and old council members in the new SRC room =D I think my mother was a lot more excited than me when I told her we’d get our own room, line and what not. I am hoping and praying and wishing that none of the work clashes with precious study time. In fact, I’ll probably be studying a lot now that time is a lot more precious. Well. I hope so anyway.

As for life in general? Well I was talking to Arep just yesterday and I’ve come to realise. . .it evolves around medschool. He called all the way from Dublin and we updated each other on both RCSI and IMU respectively. Sigh. I guess we really do eat sleep and think medschool.

I’ve been upset about a few friends and what not. But I guess I should just stop. I have the tendency of worrying for them but as mum said, I guess I gotta let them make their mistakes and fall. My problem is that I care too much. Oddly enough, it’s either I care too much or I don’t care at all. I guess another issue with me would be that when I do something, I go into the extremes of it. Kinda like, if I do the task of being a friend, I gotta make sure I’m a pretty damn good friend. But my mistake is that I expect others to think just like me. Ah well. I shall stop bothering about those two friends anymore. I have no regard for people who lie to me and go behind my back.

Another thing I noticed about all my guy friends. When they’re all nice and single, they come crying to me and even spend time with me, looking out for me. The moment they get a girlfriend or some new love interest, there they go. I have lost OH-SO many guyfriends that way. Man, I swear you dolts are worse than women sometimes.

I’ve been doubting a lot of people lately. The sincerity, their actions, the hidden agenda behind each action. I suppose my paranoia has a right to increase, given the crap I’ve been through but I hate it when it blinds me to what could be a good thing. Ah well.

I am terribly behind on the study load. Not too happy with how I did in the mock OSCEs. Screwed up my physical exams badly. Aced the BS component tho. So I managed to come short by 1 mark of the top student in our group which I found pretty funny because it seemed that we would-be-doctors can be compassionate but not competent and vice-versa. The competent ones lack people skills. Hah.

I guess the trick would be finding that thin line that divides us both and threading it carefully throughout.

I now have a PINK phone.

Yes, that’s right folks. My birthday phone has malfunctioned. When people call, I can’t hear the person on the other end till I put them on loudspeaker. So I hunted the house for an extra phone and sure enough, my 11-year-old sister doesn’t need hers. She barely uses hers anyway. It was the best, the one I’d take the least time getting used to. Old, but still pretty awesome and cool, the keypad’s nice and soft which enables pretty fast text-typing, a Nokia 6280. Problem is?

Tis pink.

Ahuh.

Otherwise, it’s pretty ok. I think I like the old Nokia software better than the new one. The interface looks more classy.

And that’s it for now. Tune in same place, same time, for everyday of your life for more updates, for when I actually have the right amount of time to be able to say what I really wanna say and not just update for the sake of keeping this blog alive.

I have NOT been able to blog to my heart’s content about a lot of issues. That just goes to say that my mind is always active.

Except when I’m catching up with loads of lost sleep on the weekends.

Have a good rest-of-the-weekend folks.

An Ode to Dr Thanikachalam Pasupati

2009-04-02T21:56:00.001-07:00

Lecturer, inspiration, one helluva kickass pathologist. This man gave us his last lecture yesterday on the topic of Lymphomas.

We gave him a really good send-off. A video, a poem and a song. I wrote him the poem on behalf of our batch with his famous quote included. Upon giving us lectures during the CVS course, he’d keep mentioning:

“No matter what you do, eventually we’re all gonna die of an MI,”

MI being short for myocardial infarction which is, the medical term for heart attacks.

Activity : Spot Dr Thani and the Brown Woman! =D

Ode to Dr Thani

Greener pastures beckon now,

You've touched all our lives somehow,

Dr Thani, please don't go,

Your legacy is rather hard to follow.

Medicine is what you taught us,

A physician is as a physician does,

From pink-stained slides to hypertrophied hearts,

You've guided us from the very start.

Your acute presence is now chronic,

Your passion is anything but generic,

Your pathology forever stuck in our memories

And for that, we'll miss you dearly

Life goes on and so must you

We wish you the best in whatever you do

At the end of the day, we're all gonna die

Of nothing short of an MI!

The video, the poem recital, the song, his speech and Dr Srikumar hugging him really made me tear. This is a lecturer worth crying over, for all he’s done for us students. He touched all our lives somehow and when he lectured, it was as tho he was speaking to each one of us directly. It was as if 250 students did not exist.

Dr Thani, I’m glad you enjoyed the farewell we gave you on your Red Letter Day. We wish you all the best and we’re really gonna miss your inspiring lectures.

We hope you really do set up that pathology blog! =D That would be so frickin’ awesome!!!

What really made a really crappy day better

2009-04-02T21:35:00.001-07:00

“I don’t think you realize how good you are. Seriously. That poem was fantastic. If that is what you write in five minutes, I can’t wait to see what you’d come up with in an hour,”

Thanks =)

Moments ya gotta love? part 2

2009-04-02T21:32:00.001-07:00

Me : So I asked granddad to be my test subject for my mocks.

Mum : Oh?

Me : I told him he wasn’t healthy and he responded by jerking his biceps to indicate his health level. I didn’t wanna tell him that it wasn’t gonna make a difference and that I still think he’s not in tip-top shape but then he asked if papa could do it.

Mum : *chuckles*

Me : I know right. The man’s a riot.

Mum : Tell your grandfather that your dad can do that too *this is when the woman winks at me*

Me : Uh. What?

Mum : ;)

Me : Oh-kay, SO did not wanna know that.

I really did not wanna know that. It’s sending my mind places I do NOT want it to go to!!!!

Moments ya gotta love

2009-03-31T08:22:00.001-07:00

Me : Tatha (granddad), I’m going to have to use your body one of these days.

Tatha : What for ah, I’m not dead yet.

Me : No no, I’ve gotta practise for my mock clinical exams. They’re due soon.

Tatha : Oh practise ah.. .why ah you can’t use your Amachi (grandmother)?

Me : For very obvious reasons, Tatha. I can’t very well palpate her chest, we females have obstructions there.

Tatha : *chuckles* Ok ok. Can can.

Me : So I’ll palpate you but it’s gonna be difficult. I’ve had reasonably well-built men all this while. It’s going to be interesting to palpate your chest. I’m going to hear all kinds of heart sounds. Plus the fact that you aren’t the world’s slimmest man.

Tatha : Why? I’m a healthy man!!!

Me : Are you kidding me? One of these days, Amachi and I are gonna have to make you wear a bra.

Tatha : Hey *flexes muscles* if it weren’t for my legs, I’m a very healthy man.

Me : Healthy is my stepdad and all the in-laws of the family that have no blood links. Those are the only skinny people in this family.

Tatha : Hey your Appa (father) can’t do this *this is where granddad makes his biceps bounce up and down* can your appa do that???

Me : As much as I think that’s a FINE method in judging our health levels, no, I’ll have to admit that he can’t.

Tatha : Actually ah, it’s only my legs you know. If I listened to the fella and only put my feet on the massage machine for 15 minutes like I was instructed to, I wouldn’t have displaced my bones.

Me : And having heart failure and being diabetic has NOTHING to do with it, right?

Tatha : No no. It’s that massage machine I tell you. Because of the machine now, I cannot walk.

Me : Whatever you say, tatha.

No more nice Ash

2009-03-30T11:32:00.001-07:00

I’ve decided to do this.

A long time ago, when I broke off with my first ex, I realised that I had let him torment me. I let him call me up and talk about his new girl. I let him diss me. Along the lines, with others that followed, I let them do just the same thing.

I actually let these people take me for granted. People whom I care about a lot. And then when I ask for the simplest of things, like to listen to a speech I had written because I was oh-so nervous about it, it can’t be done. What does that imply to me?

I don’t feel worth it. Because my then best friend couldn’t summon up the nerve to tell her roommates off for bugging HER and using up HER internet and not respecting her privacy so she can have a frickin’ phone call. She was also tired. But somehow, forgotten the many times when I’ve been dead tired and still stayed up to listen to her nonsensical ranting.

She couldn’t just do something oh-so simple for me.

This is why, I have to stop doing things for people. Stop putting myself out there for em. Whatever for? It’s not like they appreciate it.

One thing’s for sure, I don’t need a best friend. I have plenty of great friends. That certainly don’t do this.

I don’t need this anymore.

In fact, I’ve never needed it.

Ah well. The cardinal rule still plays a role here:

Do not expect.

Tis easier to not expect from friends. Best friends however. . .

And that’s why, as of now, I don’t have a best friend anymore. Nope. I’m done with relationships that involve mega-shit-load of commitment. It only fracks you up in the end.

=D

2009-03-30T08:19:00.001-07:00

And yes folks, you may applaud, for I’m done toggling around and I am finally satisfied =D

All links work and every single header’s up.

Howdya like the new layout, people?

Udang di sebalik batu

2009-03-30T07:55:00.001-07:00

Well as you guys can obviously see, there is yet another template change. I fell in love with it instantaneously but unfortunately, there are some glitches.

For starters, those navigation buttons up there just look pretty. They don’t work for some effing reason. See I knew this was too good to be true.

Why the template change?

Simply because, as always. . .

I can.

The brilliance that is me

2009-03-28T11:09:00.001-07:00

So after last night, I figured my alcohol tolerance was really bad. I had a 'Screaming Orgasm’ and the rest of the ZPN’s very strong drink. It was huge.

But those were just TWO cocktails. Never in my life have I gotten high with just two drinks.

I couldn’t even walk in a straight line! After having a drink in The Social – OMG Gajan, I just thought of a blog name for you.

The Dark Knight.

It’s fitting. Since you think it’s ok for men to be dark-skinned and not women, you chauvinistic bastard =D

Anyway. Back to being drunk.

So after crapping about past relationships and all sortsa nonsensical crap, we headed to Nirvana Maju for dinner – which is, btw, AWESOME. People, we will be going there for lunch on a MUCH more weekly basis. Their banana-leaf spread is to DIE for. Gods, the fried bitter gourd is. . .sheer bliss I tell you. 10 bucks to get completely stuffed with a variety of food – WORTH IT.

Shoulda taken pics. But I think I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I remember cursing a lot and wobbling on the way to wash my hands. The ZPN had to steady me. Heh.

Then I somehow drove them home -I remember the ZPN complaining about being turned around too much at the backseat- and I somehow zoomed home. Thank gods everyone was asleep. Mum was barely awake but yeah, at least they weren’t awake enough to see me stagger into my room.

And then this is the part I only found out about in the morning. I totally forgot I had called Wonderboy. Because the last thing I remembered was his voice ringing in my ears and next thing I knew it, I woke up, still in my clothes from the night before, sprawled all over my bed.

Apparently, I had said some pretty embarrassing stuff.

Anyway.

Reason for getting THAT tipsy?

I had alcohol . . .with two tablets of ponstan –_-

I totally forgot I had downed two tablets of ponstan to rid myself of the wretched headache I was having. Ah the smartness that is your lovable Brown Woman =D

So you see, I do NOT have a low tolerance level for alcohol. I’m frackin’ Indian baby, if we ain’t tolerant to alcohol, it’s like having a frickin freak genetic syndrome or something.

Ah alcohol.

In a way, tis good that the bar at home is locked. Should I be given the access to it, I could pretty much turn into an addict. Alcohol suits my tormented and conflicted soul.

But anyhoo, the moral of the story is:

Don’t drink. . .and take ponstan. Unless you’re at home and wanna get nice and high =D

??

2009-03-27T10:59:00.001-07:00

I think I’m drunk.

At least someone said I was.

Does not being able to walk in a straight line count?

Ah the week

2009-03-26T07:32:00.001-07:00

Not much campaigning has been done save the distribution of some badges, the posters and the batch announcement to M207. The Buddy system is well on the way, mixed feedback responses obtained. Some folk loved it, some folk were disappointed not having buddies – I couldn’t match ALL the seniors to juniors, there weren’t enough to go around and also, I had no idea people wanted to do it. Every year only a few volunteer and the response is never good. However I was happy to note that quite a lot of people had written down their numbers under their names for their junior’s contacting pleasure. Once this campaign business is over and providing I get the job, I’ll start work on when to organize the tea meet. I hope I can get the SRC to fund for Jumbo’s catering, in hopes they aren’t TOO expensive.

My tasks are DONE! Ah, the relief! And I’m liking what I did. I’ve compiled the international students’ interviews into a top-secret-kinda looking case files as some of em had some pretty sensitive and critical issues to talk about, regarding IMU. I’m glad the response was good. I hope Wei Luen is just as pleased as I am.

Also, everyone –save the other almost-non-existent-presidential candidate- was so helpful in giving me an interesting tidbit about themselves for my 3rd task. I’ve compiled those too and added their wacky funny pictures to go with it. That one’s looking pretty good as well. It’ll go up on the elections board tomorrow.

“let it take me straight to you
i'll be running night and day
i'll be with you soon, just me and you,
we'll be there soon, so soon...”

Hustings Part 2 is tomorrow. Ziggy Shahdust will be going on stage and she has an amazing speech prepared. I think she’s a brilliant candidate for presidency, not because she’s my friend but because she’s capable. In a different way from our current president perhaps, but definitely capable. I’m the kinda person that’d support someone not because they’re my friend or family but for their merits. I’ve turned down family for that kinda thing. My objectivity always takes over. In everything. Even in affairs of the heart.

Something Scandal Woman said today made me realise that yes, the old Ashvini is indeed, back. A friend had asked me out to have a drink with him at a bar tomorrow. I also met up with another friend today to just hang with him. A guy I had been texting a lot, well I don’t text him much anymore.

I’m really not expecting ANYTHING, in the romance arena for a long while now. I’ve been able to take my mind off things. Sure, the occasional romance song flits in and out here and there but life has been pretty smooth otherwise. So far, all relationships have done for me lately, well they’ve brought on more cons than pros. I think I’ll wait for the right Time. Not The One, it could be anyone. The Right Time. It ain’t now.

Sometimes, all I want, is just for someone to be strong for me. Because all I seem to be doing my entire life is having to be strong for everyone I know. I have not come across one person who can stay strong for me. Someone I can depend on entirely.

Some folk have been asking me how I’ve been feeling about the whole thing. That’s an easy one.

I’m numb.

I’m gonna try and take better care of myself now rather than depend on anyone else for it.

I met up with Wonderboy today after class. It’s been a while and yes, we’ve reconciled. He apologised, I eventually accepted. So we went out today to catch up with each other on all that’s been going on during the times we stopped talking to each other. I just enjoyed hanging out, talking about all kinda crap. I also then realised that if I ever got together with someone again, it’d have to be someone I’ve known for a long time. A friend rather. So yeah, it’s always friends first rather than jumping headlong into something. Comfort is much easier and you don’t have to start from scratch.

At any rate, love isn’t for The Brown Woman. No such luck as of yet. Heh.

I’ve discovered a pet peeve of mine.

I absolutely detest it when people don’t reply my messages. Sure, if you’re busy I’ll get it. But absolutely not bothered about it, not even a text of acknowledgement. Hate it. Dunno why, I just do.

I was high when I came home today. Wonderboy managed to trigger an endorphine release – through laughter of course – but my mother’s just a killjoy at times. As such, off to bed I go, to sleep some crap off.

The busy busy busy bee

2009-03-25T13:14:00.001-07:00

“Running through the monsoon
beyond the world
to the end of time
where the rain won't hurt
fighting the storm
into the blue
and when i lose myself
i'll think of you
together we'll be running somewhere new
and nothing can hold me back from you
through the monsoon”

And why have I been busy?

Disclaimer: All credits to Jade *hugs Jade* If I had your talent in designing, I sure as hell wouldn’t be doing medicine babe =D You rock!

The Brown Woman is going to die of fatigue

2009-03-24T08:31:00.001-07:00

Even as I type this my eyelids droop. I am so tired.

But I'm so conflicted inside, so sad, discouraged. Why?

I just wish the people I truly cared about understood me. Understand that I am busy. I don’t even have time for myself. Even writing this blog post is probably taking precious seconds off my limited time.

Doesn’t anyone care? About how I feel? I was sick today and people who claim to love me didn’t even ask me how I was. But instead pick on me for not being able to have time for them. Isn’t it a bit selfish? You like having me around cuz it makes you happy. But what about me? Don’t I deserve to be happy too? Not that I’m not happy when spending time with you. But, can’t I sleep and be busy with my own life?

If it’s one thing that puts me off about anyone, it’s their attempts to control me and my life. I don’t do it to you, so I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t do it to me as well.

Please. All I want is to not fight about me having to be busy. It doesn’t make me feel good and the funny thing is, I’m not even wrong here.

I am really sad about this. It affects me a lot inside. To think that people whom I love to bits, think I don’t care about them.

It hurts.

Theory Old Is Gold

2009-03-21T14:45:00.001-07:00

My mother had a theory that I agree with immensely.

For the record, we’re talking again. We chalked her outburst of emotion to menopause plus I think my grandma’s lecture to her had something to do with it.

Back to my mother’s theory.

When I told her that someone had remarked when I made my speech during Hustings, that I was a very mature speaker and thinker, she agreed.

“You’ve hung around with adults all your life, so it’s no wonder. This is why you get disappointed so easily. Because you expect your peers to be just as mature but they aren’t and that’s why when they don’t display the maturity you expect from them in demanding situations, you end up getting frustrated which eventually leads to disappointment,”

This is depressing. Tho this is probably why if I ever do find a guy, he should be like a decade older.

Ugh.

This is also why, I end up giving in to people eventually. Because I play the adult.

ALL. THE. FRACKIN. TIME.

“It’s just so easy when the whole world fits in your arms”

2009-03-21T14:04:00.001-07:00

“But Baby, You hardly even notice
when I try to show you
this song is meant to keep ya
from doing what you're supposed to
like waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
pretend like it's the weekend now”

Buzz buzz buzz!

Have you heard me buzzing around lately? Well if you have, it’s because I am a candidate for the position of the Social Concerns Rep on the Student Representative Council, of the International Medical University (IMU), Bukit Jalil, KL, Malaysia, South-East Asia, on planet Earth.

=D Do excuse the drama.

So yes, the last I spoke about this on my blog, I was in a dilemma. I had decided to not take the post of the public relations rep as I wasn’t all that enthusiastic about the standard operating procedures it entailed. I wanted to deal more with the students, to be the official busybody of campus life.

“And we can pretend it all the time, yeah
Can't you see that it's just raining
there ain't no need to go outside”

Hustings was on Friday. I’ve been so busy this entire week, I barely update as often as I used to.

Let me give you guys, a vague idea of what Hustings is like.

That was the exact positioning of how we had to sit. See how formidable it is? With the current council members facing us and that lil circle you see on the left hand top corner was where I had to stand, with the mic, and give my 3-minute speech which stretched into nearly 5-10 minutes? Leslie (current President) had to get his mic twice to tell me I don’t have much time =P

What happens is this. The previous council members of the Student Representative Council will get the new candidates to make a 3-5 minute speech of why the student body should vote for them. Then they interrogate us, the candidates, for about 10 minutes with their own questions and questions from the floor. The audience can ask the candidates directly with the microphone given to them or by writing down their questions that the SRC will read out and ask the candidates instead.

Well. It actually went well. They asked me questions. I answered them. Amongst them were,

“You have a lot written in your manifesto, about two pages-worth, more than all the candidates, so, how do you intend to carry out all these activities in such a short space of time?”

I just had to quote Joash on this one =P

“Well Wei Luen, as I was coming down the escalator today, I met someone who told me that even politicians who have done so much only complete 30% of what their manifesto entails. Of course, I don’t intend to achieve so little, I always aim for 100%. But I am realistically aware that it may not be possible and I won’t beat myself up about it and I can only hope, neither will the student body,”

I got grins from them as a response. I’m not sure if that was a positive thing or not.

Another interesting question was –Nicholas (PR rep) seemed to be very keen on giving us self-discovery questions- this:

“Should you come across a situation where you’re organizing an event and there was mutual dislike amongst the members, or between you and someone else there, how would you go about ensuring the event was a success?”

To which I replied,

“The thing I’ve come to realise about myself is that, I tend to put on a face of sorts, for when dealing with people professionally, especially in a working environment. So I am capable of putting up a front, for the sake of ensuring the event is a success. Sure, if things get too much out of hand, I’d sit down with the person and try to sort out the root or underlying problem. But otherwise, I’d mask my own personal issues with this person and work together peacefully to make sure the event is a running success. At least, I’d like to think to think I’m capable of putting on a face,”

This is where I got all of them laughing. I don’t see how this was funny.

There was more, but I shall spare you all.

At any rate, my fingers were shaking immensely. It was an interrogation session, a time where they see if you’re fit for the job. I couldn’t help but blush –thank gods for heavily pigmented skin- when Wei Luen gave his evaluation of me. The current reps have to give their evaluation of the candidates, based on their interaction with them and their progress in their tasks. I hadn’t completed any of mine but Wei Luen, being the dear he is, still had something positive to say.

“From what I know of Ashvini, she works very well under pressure. I’ve seen her complete tasks in which she’s only had an hour’s notice and she coped with it very well. Also, she’s highly ambitious, always wanting to achieve and she has a very big heart,”

Hey. I don’t get much ego-boosting these days alright? The Brown Woman’s gonna take all she can get!

Hustings has shown me quite a bit. It gave me such mixed emotions. I was so nervous because it has been such a long time, since I’ve been confident to go up there and do my thing. There were times when making speeches were practically nothing, when I felt confident enough to be my charismatic self. But these past few years, gods, I just don’t know where that part of me has gone. It had disappeared. Maybe that’s why I was so depressed, always a rebel, a walking oxymoron.

But when I got up on stage that Friday, that familiar feeling of being in control set in. My articulation returned, I convinced them. I amused them even. There were brilliant people who showed up. Losh Bosh made a banner for each of us, Shasha, me and Mira. I was just so incredibly touched. And they raised it when I got up to talk and when I was done.

Candymandy and Tamo showed up and stayed through the whole thing. And then. . .even him. He sat through the whole thing. And then texted me after that to say how proud he was of me.

And when I got off, there were people who kept coming up to talk to me, to congratulate me. Council members came up to congratulate me, to tell me I should be running for PR instead of Social Concerns.

The whole experience was just. . .wow. There’d be no other word to better define it. Walking into the cafeteria after that and having the council table wave at me, gods, I felt like a star. Haha, yeah, lil things, I know.

I felt like I had already accomplished something. I love the feeling.

Not to forget Shasha and Mira who delivered beautiful speeches. Shasha’s enthusiasm was exuberant, even Leslie said so. And Mira’s defined as poetic. I probably stressed a lot more than these girls did and they were absolutely fantastic in giving their speeches, so fluid.

Next week, Ziggy Shahdust takes the stage, along with Muresh and the others running for VP and the secretary slot.

Hustings, was an incredible experience for me. Not my definition of fun, Wei Luen, but all the same, incredible. I quote Shasha on this,

“It was like a side of you I’ve never seen before. This Ash was different. . .she looked so professional,”

I think the old Ash is returning. The one before her confidence was broken, before her heart had more control over her rather than her mind.

“Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move”

The Man Who Can’t Be Moved

2009-03-21T02:58:00.001-07:00

A/N: This is a beautiful song I’m so in love with

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not...broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you...
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm
and maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...
Cos if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.
Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

“I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing”

2009-03-17T12:26:00.001-07:00

“Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while he got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even”

It’s at times like this when the most jiwang of songs hit you, when you’re done with what you can do in for the day, when the images from before sink in. When everything I do reminds me of a better time, something as small as a picture from a happier time triggers a cascade of emotions from deep within.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

This campaign-business has been so good for me. It forces me, to put on a face for the world.

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos he's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

So this is my face people. This is who I shall be. There is no use reflecting. No use wishing things could be different. For they’re not. And life has to go on.

This is my face.

For several years to come.

Foresight

2009-03-17T09:14:00.001-07:00

People have very little of it.

Patience?

Now THAT is something I have very little of.

Bleh.

In Pictures

2009-03-16T12:12:00.001-07:00

Mainly because, there was been WAY too much going on and because this blog has been deprived of graphics.

Yes. I said graphics.

I am THAT sleepy.

There was Red Day. A bunch of other stuff. Post Summatives and Ziggy Shahdust’s birthday.

Bring em on.

Don’t ask me what was going on where.

There are more on my camera, these were nicked from Shasha over facebook =D

Till I can stay up once more, people. The Brown Woman bids Ashyville good night.

Remember, sleep is vital.

Ashyville agenda

2009-03-15T11:51:00.001-07:00

So here’s how it stands. Short excerpts of the past 3 days, take it or leave it.

Post Summatives

Two days after summatives and you’d think The Brown Woman might have gotten some sleep.

Yes, she did. For like the first day after summatives. And then the busy regime kicked into gear yet again.

Summatives Day:

The Brown Woman headed for the usual post-summatives celebration at Chillies with Shasha and Ze Pervy Nerd. Also with the duo came JB (that’s what I’m calling you Anushya, JB aka Jeyabalan :P) and Losh Bosh. Losh Bosh and JB detoured to Bangsar for Losh Bosh’s usual beautification sessions after exams and a rich banana leaf lunch while the three of us went to Chillies to gorge ourselves on expensive good food and my usual dose of alcohol aka cocktails (The Brown Woman hates beer, whiskey, brandy and bitter wines). Cocktails are ze best. Alcoholic fruit juices. My kinda thing.

With the way today has been, I should have had another one. Maybe tonight.

There was a cute waiter who insisted on seeing our IDs at the place. The ZPN dared me to leave my number again. I refused. I’m sorry guys, but I’m gonna be off dating and indulging with the opposite sex in this aspect of life because I’m just emotionally incapacitated to handle you lot at this point. I shall stick to ogling at those tall dark and handsome basketball players on the NBA court – MY KINDA MEN!

And I mean that in the best of senses, of course. In other words, better luck next time, ya dolts.

We watched Marley & Me after that, which reduced us to tears. Yes, all of us. The whole row of girls who watched it, came out with red eyes at the end of the movie. Owen Wilson did a splendid job of portraying John Grogan and Jennifer Anniston –tho she looked TERRIBLY much older here- played a very good Jenny. Marley, was adorable. The chemistry between Wilson and Anniston was so adorable, it had me melting and wishing insistently for such fairytales.

Somehow, tho I remain hopeful, I’m still extremely disappointed with MANkind. This results in me being highly sceptical of all applying candidates. Again, sorry guys, this offer’s long gone.

Hanging Out With Pseudo-dad and Family

The next day, I hung out with my uncle. I had arrived on Friday at his place but I was too exhausted to do anything that I just knocked out at 11.40pm to wake up 12 hours later, into a sneezing fit. Popped an antihistamine in –like your typical rhinitis-druggie- and knocked off for another 4 hours.

Ah sleep, the glorious phenomenon it is.

That very day, we headed to Subang Parade for the MPH book sale! Ah bliss! I have with me now, five brand new books at bee-yoo-tee-fool slashed prices, waiting to devoured by my hungry mind : The Zahir, Brida, The Namesake, Evening Came Today and a Michael Crichton hardcover novel, Next (this one cost me only 19 bucks!). After that, we headed to Blook where there was a sale, where I met a friendly sales assistant who fished out amazing bargains. 2 tops, a skirt and a dress later, all for RM85, I emerged from the place, a very happy Brown Woman.

To top it off, the lovely uncle decided he wanted to watch his Liverpool game in TGIFs, so we headed there for dinner – where I gorged myself yet again in the midst of rooting for Liverpool –4-1 FOLKS, EAT THAT YOU MAN-U SUPPORTERS!- and we left the place, homebound, for a whole night of Scrabble.

Even grandma played! She got so good at it, she learnt how to cheat.

I knew I had to get it from someone.

We slept at 5.30am and I woke at 9 to get started with my day.

Ziggy Shahdust’s Awesome Lunch

*pictures coming up as soon as I get home*

Today, we had the most scrumptious lunch at Zia’s dad’s shop, The Sultani, at Flamingo Hotel along Jalan Ampang. I am SO dragging mum there one day. It’s a stone’s throw away from her office! However, I thought it was somewhere right smack in the city which entailed in us taking a few trains –what an experience that was- to get there. So we were late, made Ziggy Shahdust mad :( and well, gorged AGAIN on . . .gods. . .probably the best food I’ve had all week. Yes, it beat Chillies and TGIFs. Garlicky butter naan, butter chicken, some curried fish I can’t remember the name of that was just as good, palak paneer and the incredible ever-famous fruit-samosas. Ah, my tummy is truly content.

This is going to entail a lotta walks around campus and at the parks nearby.

Social Concerns Rep Campaign

I am, working on my manifesto, any spare moment I can get. And ideas a-dozen are streaming through my head. I need to get involved. I NEED to get more folks involved in charity work. But how?

Frack, I need to do some myself!

I’ve come up with a few ideas. But first of all, I need to get a fracking picture of myself all serious-like in a suit. Brown Woman, in a suit. You lucky bastards are gonna be seeing this picture all over campus for the next few weeks.

The campaigning begins, people! Vote The Brown Woman for Social Concerns Rep! I am very the concerned about you, and you , and you, and you, and you. . .

Ya get the picture.

pets self

2009-03-12T07:35:00.001-07:00

This is how The Brown Woman reassures herself.

“It doesn’t matter, Ash, it shouldn’t matter anymore. You’ve washed your hands clean of this, you have no control over it. No expectations, no disappointment. Remember that Ash, remember that. KEEP remembering that. DON’T forget,”

Yes. No expectations, no disappointment.

*takes a deep breath and plunges back into her books*

Crunch-time

2009-03-12T02:48:00.001-07:00

And I’ve only got one word. . .

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a last minute-spur decision, I decided to go for the Case-studies –which somewhat made me feel better because I could identify a few things that looked rather bizarre, like the TB with cavities and milliary TB- and stayed back a lil for the Respi quiz –which scared the hell outta me, I left before the rapid-fire segment took place. I realised I know jackshit about my pharmaco and have almost forgotten my interstitial lung diseases and lung cancer lecture –which I only read once but listened to the lecture again, having recorded Thani’s last lecture with us.

Everything’s such a mess. It’s all there yet the access pathways to all the bits of information in my brain are all windy and knotted and in the sadness that is the time constraints, I might not reach my answers in time!

Ah Siddarth. I wish I had your discipline in being thorough and diligent with my notes.

Somehow, everything BUT medicine is looking oh-so much more appealing now.

Dearest M/108, good luck for tomorrow guys.

It’s crunch-time!!!

Nothing profound

2009-03-10T11:43:00.001-07:00

Yes, I figure I’d warn you lot before I get to my random rant of the day. I study alone –unlike you lucky folk at Vista!- and it does tend to get boring particularly when you’re trying to finish all the lectures before Friday morning and you tend to have a lot of unnecessary un-exam-related thoughts.

I’ve decided to run for the Social Concerns Rep position for the SRC. Somehow, the support from the rest and the yearning in wanting to be more involved and to be in a position of power has conquered me. Despite my uncle’s warnings to not take the position up. It’s pretty cool that everyone’s running for some position. But I realised something else that’s pretty cool too.

This reminds me of my school days, when I was more involved in activities. It made me more responsible, organized. I forced myself to set an example and I studied more as a result. This brings back such memories. I’m hoping that this also pushes me to study more. I can already feel it setting in, this urgency to know everything, to be an example.

What I found so ironic and perhaps even beautiful is that of late, I’ve been wanting to do more for society. To give back. Just today did I see that part of what the Social Concerns rep position entails is being in charge of charity visits, adoptive homes. The Social Concerns position basically entails a more intra-uni perspective on public relations. There’ll be a lot of dealing with clubs, new students, international students and welfare. That somehow sounds a lot like me already, why not make more use of it eh? Put the Aunt Agony skills to use!

I am about to get very busy again.

On another note, a tiff with a friend has left me feeling very disappointed once more. I forgive easily but, I am deeply saddened at what has caused this friend to change, to become more bitter? I know he goes through a lot but why turn your back on the people who actually care? It pains me and I just wish the arrogance wouldn’t cloud over his willingness to let me help him.

However, the best thing to do right now is to just wait. If the boy wants comfort, he’ll come looking for it. Arrogance and ego aside.

I do not like people who talk behind people’s backs. Because eventually, I do find out. And when I do find out, I am not pleased. Be honest, be open and I will be the same in return.

Bluntness seems to be the in-thing these days in people. But remember, although honesty is appreciated, people do have feelings and there is a way to present your honesty with a lil more tact so you do get your point across but at the same time still manage to guard your friend’s feelings. It’s time people learnt just how to go about it.

And off I go, back to my cardiomyopathies.

Wish me luck, folks.

Hmm

2009-03-09T13:59:00.001-07:00

These three things sound like very interesting names for rockbands:

Nitrogen Wash Out
Helium Dilution
Whole Body Plethysmography

But they instead happen to be methods in measuring the functional residual capacity of the lungs. Since it can’t be measured via spirometer.

I can’t stand this

2009-03-09T12:40:00.001-07:00

I hate this. This constant mugging. The dread of exams. This loss of focus. All I wanna do right now is not care, not worry about screwing this up. I’ve gone through everything at least once –save the BS lectures- and I still can’t remember jackshit.

I need to get through this. I’m sick of this reading and not getting anywhere. I wish I had assessments to test myself. Interactive learning. Constant reading bores me. There is NO way to assess myself! Except the exam which matters!

Ughh.

After summs, I’m planning my freedom.

Ya Gotta Love Delivery

2009-03-09T01:47:00.001-07:00

This is what happens when my family forgets I exist and they forget to save me lunch.

Would you believe it?

My grandma got SO excited her siblings came over, she forgot to save me food.

And here’s me, sleeping at 7am in the morning, after a long sordid lecture on the anatomy of the lymphatics and goodness knows what else I did yesterday.

I am hungry. And the people at home forgot to feed me.

Ya gotta love McDees =D

Finally

2009-03-08T12:03:00.001-07:00

I know, I should be working on all that anatomy and physiology I have left to read up on. I haven’t touched the lymphatics lecture and I STILL have to brush through all my physiology lectures :/

But here I am. Toggling with a template. And experimenting with Windows Live Writer.

I am SO enjoying toggling with this.

Tis a blogger’s dream come true!

The only sad bit would be that it didn’t work with the old template – which I liked very much.

Oh well. Can’t have your cake and cream most of the time anyway.

I’ve figured out how to get this going

2009-03-08T10:00:00.001-07:00

Apparently, you CAN use the windows live writer to blog and you CAN go to a new paragraph but ONLY if you don’t use your blog’s theme while posting.

I’m totally ok with that =D

So now I can blog from my laptop without going online and publish posts later AND upload pictures here from my computer as well! This beats blogger’s template any day!

Heehee!

Joanne, I’ve found the perfect post editor! =D

Ash will go back to studying now :|

*stupid physio*

Hmm

2009-03-08T09:13:00.001-07:00

Apparently Windows Live has this writer thing that lets you post to your blog from

your computer.

Interesting. Lets see how this works.

I feel good

2009-03-06T02:19:00.000-08:00

I wonder why. Maybe it's the jog I decided to take upon coming back. Maybe it's this feeling of getting all gung-ho and determined about finishing whatever lecture notes I have left to get through before summs next week. Or maybe it's got something to do with what I did this morning ;) I ain't sayin' what.

Ah endorphines. Such pleasurable things they are.

At any rate, I'm short of sleep. Tired. But I'm happy.

Also I decided to not run for PR rep in the Student Representative Council for some reasons:

I have an ISOW PR position as credit (though about to relinquish it soon)
I also have the sub-editor position of a nearly non-existent newsletter. Oh well. There's a cert involved. Though I think I'm just gonna send in some fillers to Usha to have a look at. I've yet to see the last edition BECAUSE a certain student affairs department in a certain medical university will only allow 150 copies of the newsletter to be printed out. That's barely enough for one frickin' batch! And this is AFTER we've cut down the number of pages! I am irked, yes I am. Also, we have members who don't show up for editorial meetings. I'm not surprised if our editor's given up hope.
In sem 5 -hoping to make it there folks!- I want to be in charge of the batch's convo mag. Yes. Lemme at it, LEMME!
If I ever became PR rep - I know I can should I put my mind to it, I have remarkable talent for being incredibly fake at times- tonnes of attention would be on me. It'd be like being a prefect all over again, a self-righteous hypocritical prick. This only applies to me and not anyone else running because I have a certain disregard for the rules and being made to abide them would mean going against my deepest and darkest of rebel natures :P I like being able to break the small rules, like parking illegally, wearing tshirts to class when lazy to dress up decently, taking the elevator all the way to Audi B when the guards ain't lookin'. You know, the lil things.

Also, perhaps I don't feel nearly as passionate about this as I normally do. So to heck with it.

However, there are some people running for the wrong reasons. But also, some very sincere ones too. I salute those who really are spirited about this *hugs Ziggy Shahdust*, you will have me campaigning for you throughout. But to those who are doing it for the wrong reasons, I'm sorry. I'll support you but I can honestly say, I don't think it's right and I am very disappointed that your reasons are as such.

Run for the right reasons. I didn't attempt it because I personally felt that I would not be able to do it, on the account of hypocrisy and all. And that I'd rather be devoid of responsibility for now as my life has JUST started to get back on track proper.

Don't run to challenge others, don't run to prove a point to those who doubt you, run for the sake of the goddamned university for crying out loud.

Alright. That's about it for my self-righteous preaching.

*

There might just be a Star Wars Night at uni! =D Sandip suggested it and I can already see the plot unfurling in my head. We could have movie marathons and get people to come dressed up as the characters! And have food and drinks and basically just make it a social event at uni. I think it's an awesome idea though, it'd be interesting to see how many Star Wars fans there are -I bet most of em are closet fans anyway- and which club this idea could fit into.

The Drama Club perhaps? I always did think that the Darth Vader-Luke Skywalker-hand-slicing scene was pretty dramatic :P

I think. . .I might have a plot unfurling in my head for a drama script for the rather dead drama club =D

I shall work on it after summatives =D Think aliens and medstudents =D

Random thoughts from a very random day

2009-03-05T04:39:00.000-08:00

I like making observations about people. I like observing how they interact with close friends, how they interact with friends, acquintances and NOT so close friends. It makes me reflect and think some more, gods forbid THAT.

Thinking, is dangerous and yet has spurred the most greatest accomplishments/inventions in life.

However, here's what I got to thinking.

I thought that's incredibly interesting how we don't see that the things we do have an effect on others. And how that if we care TOO much, we end up sacrificing what we'd like to be doing and end up pleasing everyone else but ourselves. On one end, you have the selfish. On the other, the doormat.

Is there ever truly a fine line between the both that I can thread on? I shall try to find where that line lies.

I've also observed something rather interesting about myself. On some days, I feel as though I have this brilliant face. This social butterfly-sort-of-face. The one that everyone likes. The face where everyone finds what I say funny, where I'm incredibly articulate and have a comeback for just about everything. The one that always makes me seem like a smiley person with a sunny disposition.

Then there are days when the face comes off and is replaced by frowns and a scrunched up, worried look instead. On those days, I talk less. And I end up observing more than I do talking. And people begin to wonder, what the hell is wrong with Ash? It's as though an apocalypse is upon us, the instant I shut up.

Heh. I can see some of you laughing already.

The funny thing is, if something were on my plate, bugging me, I'd understand why the cheerful face comes off and is replaced by Dr Frowns. But my life has been PERFECT. This is the most peaceful it has been in weeks! Months even. There is NO trouble from the pests I call family :P, no chaos in the lovelife, no bumps in uni, NOTHING. Ok, perhaps there's exam stress but that's nothing new and EVERYONE's going through it.

So why do I feel like something's missing?

*

Another thing I noticed about myself is how disinterested I am, in all things romance-related. Today, someone walked me to my car and even got flustered when I told him that his apartment was in the other direction. Had I been interested, I'd have asked him to a drink instead. But for some reason, I really just can't.

I think I've just about had it with romance. I'm not denying that at some point of time in my life, I might want it again. But I for one don't think that romance was ever meant for The Brown Woman. And I certainly don't feel up to it now.

Sure, I loved being in a relationship. Especially with the right person. But with all that has happened, I realised something. I missed me. I missed the me that was all gung-ho about going to school, all enthusiastic about excelling in life. I lost track of so many things and I'm already 22. Getting into medschool was my dream since I knew the meaning of the word ambition. All my life, I've always wanted to be a doctor. Being in a relationship, well it sorta distracted me. Mostly, when it went wrong.

Little did I know that being a doctor, was going to be my life.

In the past few weeks, I've had so much attention from people worthy enough to be given a chance. There's nothing wrong I can see with any of these applicants yet I'm just not into it. Maybe someday I will be. But now, is definitely not the time.

I think the walls have come back up. Fort Knox reinstated. I dunno what made this happen but one day, it just did. And I became impervious to everything mush-related.

*

A few of us are planning to do our electives in University Hospital in PJ. It's the nearest, my aunt used to work there, and I know the place pretty well so it'd be convenient though parking is gonna KILL me. The attachment is gonna be for 3 weeks so hopefully, something good comes out of it. Benedict plans on doing his there as well so if we're all in a group, that'd be good. Hah, someone voiced out to me that it'd be hilarious if Ben was made head of our group.

"Imagine a surgery-like setting, with doctors all crowded over a patient bleeding profusely from the innards. . ."

Nurse : He's bleeding out here!
Doctor : Get me some fresh gauze!
Ben : Doctor. . .is it. . .serious?

*OT goes silent*

I can SO imagine this taking place.

The Incredible Sweetness of Being

2009-03-03T05:20:00.000-08:00

"I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind"

They say that no matter how old you get, romance is something women can never do without.

I bet you're wondering just who these people are really. I haven't the foggiest myself, I think I've heard it in a movie somewhere :P but at any rate, it's theory was proven eminent when a parcel arrived for me today. A month late but thankfully here and not lost in the void that is Malaysian postal.

On Valentines, there's a certain standard of things to live up to. The chocolates, the candy, the flowers, the mushy stuff. Well this parcel certainly lived up to everything and so much more =) and I have no other than Emperor Insanity to thank.

Grandma could barely contain her excitement and insisted on me opening Chris's parcel to me as soon as I got back. Why, even our maid was excited. She kept sneaking into the room to catch snippets of our conversation! Just goes to show that women of all ages, shapes and sizes love romance, if not openly then secretly, EVEN if it's not a romance of their own :P

The candy

The only flower I got for Valentines this year =) It sings!

This year's Vday theme was frog-based, as you can see. The sender of this parcel loves them and well, I'll have to say that these are probably the most adorable lil froggies I've ever seen. I've set them to join my lil family of furry babies.

The belated birthday present : I have no idea why he picked Britney's line of scent, Curious, but after using it, I'll have to admit, the boy has taste. He knows my taste at least :P

The stationery : to fulfill my insatiable craving for all pretty things in stationery =D

Even the mouse wasn't spared! Bono received some nice lil snacks for Christmas/Vday too!

Yes. All THAT came in the parcel today.

It truly made my day. My very-tiring-but-now-pleasant-day.

*hugs Emperor Insanity*

Thank you, Chris =)

"We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images"

A.A.A.

2009-03-02T06:27:00.000-08:00

A/N - This one's for you, Amanda (CandyMandy) =)

Which does NOT stand for Abdominal Aortic Aneurysms or Alien Adoption Agency or the size of batteries.

Instead, it's Aunt Agony Annonymous.

Ever felt like your friends ALWAYS confide in you? Always feel like the Go-To person of MANY people? Are you good at listening, empathising, and being neutral on the most icky of scenarios or fixes people get themselves in?

Are you also, female?

Then you're most probably, an Aunt Agony!

You hearby herald yourself to that of a distinguished position indeed. You are strong -because you have to be such for others-, accountable and everyone loves talking to you about their innermost fears, their messy scrapes, their worries, their agonies to put it simply!

Your problem?

You get taken for granted. People always come to you but hey, who do YOU go to when woe befalls ye?

The answer?

No one. Or so it seems.

But now, with Aunt Agony Annonymous, mingle with your fellow peers! Drink and dine with them while swapping stories on the experiences you've had with human beings. Share your observations, learn, discover, be enlightened further! Refine your empathy skills and come to understand the inevitable conclusion with us that human beings are indeed a flawed race!

To join, leave a comment here on this rather nonsensical post. You will be heard! And remember, we're always here for you.

=D

ps - You can tell I'm sleep deprived.

"And all our yesterdays have lighted fools,"

2009-03-01T10:18:00.000-08:00

And here comes the week again.

After yet another unproductive weekend.

Unless you count getting tonnes of toiletries -that smell good!- and a funky yellow wallet productive.

Dear beloved friends, I will be MIA until the Friday the 13th -yes, we have ANOTHER one.

Hopefully the Friday the 13th movie comes out here then. Then we'd have a reason for going out after summatives is done with. Again, I'm not watching this movie alone. I insist on being sandwiched by my two bouncers *looks pointedly at Sha and Ziggy Shahdust*

To the week *lifts glass*

May you be merciful on me this time.

Beautifications

2009-03-01T06:03:00.001-08:00

In bed. With a mask on my face that smells good enough to eat. Trying to soothe this weathered face, to make up for all the torture I' ve been giving it.
But I can't stop laughing instead at how much I resemble a pathological maniac who goes around killing people wearing a ski mask. As a result the mask keeps dropping off my face.
The brown woman is not one for beauty. Sigh.

Random

2009-02-28T05:49:00.001-08:00

I have no idea why I love lying on the floor of my room while doing tummy crunches, listening to music and just reflecting.
20 down, 20 more to go.

The Time-waster

2009-02-28T04:27:00.000-08:00

This is how I spent my day:

I woke up at 3pm. I ate. I studied the anatomy of the upper limbs -damn you arteries and tributaries- and then I decided to take a break around 6pm.

Which lasted for like 2 frackin' hours because I suddenly took it into my head to toggle with blog templates.

I have GOT to stop this. Really.

But anyway! =D Here's another version of the current layout I'm done tampering with
-> Ash's Test Spot

Alright, I'll go do something a lil more productive now.

Though I just have to quote Ze Pervy Nerd on this. . .

Ziggy Shahdust : Why don't you tell Ash to shush during lectures? Why do you always come after me instead??
Ze Pervy Nerd : Getting Ash to stop talking is like getting God to stop killing people.

Medschool and Rock Bands

2009-02-27T09:26:00.000-08:00

Now who says the two can't mix huh?

Take our brilliant anatomy lecturer, Dr John Paul Judson and inspiring Pathology whiz, Dr Srikumar. Why stop at just the medicine when there's oh-so-much more in life to experience?

My dear Professors. . .I salute you! Check out the rhythm man. We have SKC on drums and JPJ on rhythmic guitar!

This just so totally made my day =D

Ps, my favourite's Sleeping Child, Prof!

A lil celebrity thank-you

2009-02-27T02:03:00.000-08:00

It's nice to know some of you check my blog out while at uni, in between lectures, when you get home, just about everyday. Almost religiously.

So thank you for reading *insert royal wave here* The Brown Woman acknowledges your presence and loves you.

Also, I've noticed a few readers from the States. New, no doubt.

Thank you for reading *insert regal nod here*

Alright I'm basically just being stupid. So haha, thanks to all Ashyville readers. You reading keeps me writing. I don't know what you find particularly entertaining here but well, at some point, you will be enlightened.

The Emo-Punk-Rock-Kid

2009-02-27T01:28:00.000-08:00

"Come ride with me
Through the veins of history
I'll show you a God
Who falls asleep on the job"

I should start wearing thick eyeliner and all black clothes. Or clothes with hoods.

"Now that you know I'm trapped sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation"

Should start sitting alone, in the corner of the lecture hall, ignoring all.

"And how can we win?
When fools can be Kings
Don't waste your time
Or time will waste you"

Someone has started annoying me of late. I might tell her off at some point. Again Ziggy Shahdust and Sha -who I know will think it's them- it's NOT you guys.

"No one's gonna take me alive
The time has come to make things right
You and I must fight for our rights
You and I must fight to survive"

Yeah. I hope it doesn't come to that. Maybe it's just exam stress.

I hate it when people try to control me. It automatically puts me off a person. It could be something simple, like telling me not to do something. Of course, if it's something bad or dangerous I see logic in that but the mere attempt of telling me not to do something pisses me off. Like I'll bloody well do whatever the heck I want.

Sorry. This has turned into a rant of sorts. It must be all the Muse songs I'm listening to.

I'm tired. I came home right after lectures. Whilst walking down, I bumped into Sir Doink. He was. . .bald. Yes. And it was possibly the worst look I've ever seen on him. Ugh.

Me: This is, probably the worst look I've ever seen on you.

Him : Oh fine, be like that.

Me : Yeah, the first was when you shaved your mustache off. This one takes the cake though. Grow your hair back, moron.

Him : Fine

Me : Not going to class?

Him : It's in 30 mins. But I don't think I'll go.

Me : Ah, cool. I'm headed home anyway.

Him : I'll walk you.

Me : I think you are already.

So I explained my idea of running for PR rep. Apparently, I might be able to secure a few number of votes from his batch. Hopefully no sabotage occurs there.

When I got back, we've engaged in childish banter over texts. I miss having to bully someone. I guess I need a punching bag of sorts for all my pent-up frustration over exams, life, everything. Heh.

I think I've possibly annoyed him =D

Should I, or should I not run for PR rep. Somebody give me a sign! But just, not based on that social scenario up there.

I can't believe we have 24 partner medical universities to choose from. My top 6 are gonna be Australian and New Zealand universities. But the remainder will have to be universities in UK. So I could end up on either sides of the world. What paradigm shifts. . .

Bottom line? I'm not gonna hope for either place. Whatever will be will be.

It's grandma's birthday today. She doesn't read but well. . .

♥ HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMACHI! ♥

Amachi being the Tamil word for Grandma.

I probably can't say this enough.

I ♥ Muse.

"I thought I was fool for no one, but oo baby I'm a fool for you"

2009-02-26T05:21:00.000-08:00

"Oooo, you set my soul alight,"

Some folk emo with rants and self-pity sessions.

I wallow with rock songs and burying myself in pharmacology, anatomy and god-knows-what other medical jargon.

Ya gotta love Muse.

After going through today's lectures on stupid drugs for cough - you wouldn't believe just HOW many drugs there are for COUGH- I gave up on the library -the tension was getting to me- so I came home -AFTER tea with Ziggy Shahdust, Sha and Bikash -and had that one solid meal of my day before crashing for an hour in front of the telly to watch a few morons go at it on American Idol, to just get fed up.

Vinod was right. My room IS my first home, my haven, my lil sanctuary that lets me escape from everyone, and talk to whoever I wish to at this point. Second would be midvalley -heh- and third, the library. But I think the library and midvalley are swapping slots at this point. I end up spending most of my time with the books these days. Tis a good coping mechanism. Yes, burying all worries and feelings under all those opiates and expectorants. Woot.

And you know. . .I think I'm just gonna focus on me for a while.

It's the one person I don't look after as well as I should.

The heart is empty, the brain is a-buzzing, the body's exhausted, a massage was suggested but heck it, the only tender loving care I can always depend on for anything always comes from. . .

. . .my bed.

"Glaciers melting in the dead of night and the superstars sucked into the supermassive,"

2009-02-25T06:39:00.000-08:00

"My plug in baby
Crucifies my enemies
When I'm tired of giving
My plug in baby
In unbroken virgin realities
I'm tired of living"

Walking around uni with your headphones on is a pretty different experience sometimes. For one, nobody bothers you and dismisses you as the weird music-obsessed-perhaps-emo-punk. They even scurry to be one step ahead you on the escalator. To test that out, I moved up one more step to be met by yet another scurried step away from me.

I repel people with my headphones - rock on, baby!

I always hated it when people stare at me while I walk. What, never seen a big brown woman before? Are my glasses weird? Is what I'm wearing weird? No one really says anything. And I happen to know quite a lot of blunt people in this life so that rules out the 'I-don't-wanna-hurt-your-feelings' response.

I know I ain't hot so there's gotta be some other frackin' reason people stare. Do I have a birthmark I don't know about? It'd be cool to have a birthmark though =D

Then again, more dolts would stare so it's a really paradoxical situation here really.

So someone, enlighten me as to why people stare or I'm just gonna chalk it up to my amazing personality that just radiates right outta me =D

The juniors have come in. And my oh my do they look nervous. Scary lil critters, running around in packs for fear of straying off alone to be met by the hungry wolves that are the seniors. Just yesterday while I was waiting for the second class to begin outside the lecture hall, a pack walked into Audi B, thinking that THAT was where they were supposed to congregate only to be met by whoever who was lecturing our batch at that time. So then they scuttled away only to ambush me in a whole pack - as though I'd rip em to shreds if they approached me alone - going "Excuse me, but could you please tell us where LT2 is? We're kinda lost,"

"Ah, welcome runts. LT2's all the way on the ground floor. In the other building,"

I called them back as they were scurrying off to tell them it was just a joke and told them it's real location. It was so funny to see em run off with earnest exuberance.

On the other hand, I severely disapprove of ragging.

Ze Pervy Nerd, Ziggy Shahdust, Sha and I were having our usual cuppa coffee in the library beside the Macha gang when this junior in a blue shirt -and noticeable brand new ID tag- approached their table. From the look of it, there were about to be some serious questions. The usual Viva. The fake rudeness to shake them up.

Another group of kids came in but they managed to cleverly avoid the table, paying for their coffee and walking off -one of them had an exceptionally deep voice which I found out after asking him to move to get to the napkins on the counter. That's always SUCH a turn on =D

Anyway. Back to the ragged kid!

The ragged kid however came in all jittery, trying to avoid the group but I guess he decided to play along. He stood by their table and I watched Ganesan insist he sit down with them. Ziggy Shahdust and Sha had already left, disgusted I bet. He turned to me and asked if he could borrow a chair to sit with em - the poor kid looked so scared. They asked for his name, his full name, gave him a fake name that they could tease him with.

I was hoping they'd be friendly, nice. The kid was pretty decent and accommodative. I mean, you're new and the last thing you'd expect would be hostility.

I remember a similar experience about a year ago. I still don't talk to the jackass that interrogated me.

At some point, I was getting pissed so I got up to leave. The next thing on their agenda was to get the guy to ask Ze Pervy Nerd out. So I got up, and patted the kid on his shoulder and went "Just go along with it, it'll be over quick, ignore the hostility,"

Because IF I had told the kid to walk out, the entire gang would be mean to him the rest of his uni years here. There was no saving that could be done here.

The point I'm trying to get at is, why rag? WHY start to make friends like this? I know it's all in good fun and that after this whole thing is over, all of them become the best of friends, go clubbing together, circulate past year questions amongst each other and get drunk together. But why why WHY start off with hostility? What does it aim to prove?

Why do you have to force people to give you when you can earn it? Isn't that more worthwhile?

An hour after that, I witnessed the gang having a go at another kid in the atrium. This time, they got the kid to stand on a chair and ask a senior girl out. Morons.

Why is asking someone out even humiliating when we all know it's not serious?

I swear. The seniors are NOT acting like seniors. So credits to those who don't rag and to those that did? I'm sorry but I think you lot are absolutely moronic, you low self-esteemed insecure bastards.

"I've exposed your lies, baby
The underneath is no big surprise
Now it's time for changing
And cleansing everything
To forget your love"

That's it

2009-02-24T19:22:00.000-08:00

I want to learn Hindi.

I desperately need to translate this one song from Slumdog Millionaire titled 'Ringa ringa' and it's all entirely in Hindi.

Anyone speaketh the language?!

OH!

*smacks self*

Upon typing this out, I just realised that I do indeed have a friend who'd be able to do this for me =D Ah friends. So many of you, so many uses :P I'm just joking guys, I love you all! :P

=)

2009-02-23T12:13:00.000-08:00

And I was right. So here's #9 and #10

#9 - I've reconciled some things with someone really close to me. And I'm glad =) I really am

#10 - I think I might have amazing powers of premonition as well =D

Redemption

2009-02-23T08:55:00.001-08:00

Today as I headed home, I got a text from someone.

"It's true when they say that you miss some things most when you lose it. I'm really sorry for everything, Ash. I really am. I want another chance. Please. I don't wanna let go. I really do miss you,"

I'm trying to learn how to forgive. To let go. There are so many issues from the past that have plagued me for so long. It's influenced all I am today and in most ways, rather negatively.

I don't know if I'll ever forgive as much as I should. But I want to learn. This life is just too short to hold in grudges. I need to let go.

"Let's just forget about the whole thing and start over,"

The trick is to lower the expectations. That way, the disappointment is less.

Frackity frack frack

2009-02-23T08:40:00.001-08:00

I so need a frackin' credit card. . .

And a decent bank balance.

Frack!

What made my day

2009-02-23T04:29:00.000-08:00

1. Coming home to find out Slumdog Millionaire bagged 8 out of 9 Oscars it was up for. A.R.Rahman, my most favourite Indian music composer won for best music score. And yes, his score was amazing. But he always IS amazing. I need to download the OST.
2. I've decided to let go of past grudges - this life is too short to stay angry and hurt at people. It is however, just long enough to help people.
3. An old friend insists that he does not want to let go. I think, unless this friendship is of a pathological nature to me, people who want you this much in their life should be given some credit. People who don't really want you, are indifferent
4. My mother jerking her head into my room early this morning to check if Emperor Insanity's messaged. I swear, the woman's more overwhelmed by this than I am!
5. My movie 'Love Actually' has finished downloading. Next up, I try Oscar movies!
6. Another old friend wants to meet up this week. Hopefully I can afford to squeeze in a tea-time quickie for him, with summatives around the corner. It's not as scandalous as it sounds. I use the word 'quickie' for just about everything so don't you pervy dolts be gettin' any ideas!
7. A new friend seems to be opening up a lot more and dare I say it, attempt socializing? I find him cute that way, haha.
8. E! is showing a repeat of the Red Carpet scenario and Dev Patel is soooo cute. But what takes my heart are the slumdog kids themselves. They look so beautiful ♥

Well I wanted to hit the number 10 but the day isn't over yet. Who knows, my life might be complete again =)

The Cause

2009-02-22T07:51:00.000-08:00

There are some days when my mother just gets on my nerves so much, I actually tell her that I'm glad my grandparents brought me up.

This is not one of those days.

"Has he messaged?"

"No, I don't think he will,"

"Why not?"

"He never does,"

"So when you two fight. . .who usually makes the first move after that?"

Silence.

"I see. Well don't do it now. If you're hurt, stand your ground. No one has the right to treat you like that,"

"Yeah,"

"Come give your mummy a hug,"

"Ok,"

As much as I complain about them, my family made me who I am today. I'm thankful for that, despite their idiosyncrasies, their shallowness in many things, I wouldn't be who I am if not for them and for that, I am grateful.

I am also grateful for great friends.

"It's not so bad, Ash. You can live on your own. Probably easier that way cause then you don't have to worry about pissing anyone off. And if you get lonely, you got me, Wafiy and Arif =D,"

*hugs Eager Beaver*

On another note. . .

After watching Slumdog Millionaire, my resolve to adopt children is stronger than ever. Never have I been more determined to do what I must. There is no fairness in me leading the lavish lifestyle I lead while so many others out there suffer each day. Once I get this degree, I'm doing something with it. I want to help. I want to start my bringing charity into my home. I will adopt children as soon as I acquire the means. I want to make a difference in someone's life. I can't change the world, I can't change the way people think. But I can make a difference, even if it is subtle.

There is enough of me in this. My life, is perfect. I have with me lovely friends, lovely people who have graced my life enough and though some of them have left, they have left with me beautiful memories of good times. My hurt, is nothing compared to the suffering of others out there. No child should be without a parent. No child should be devoid of security. Everyone needs love. If not in the form of partners, then family it should be.

Today my heart bleeds. And it's because I'm already 22 and I have done NOTHING to make a difference in this world.

I gotta get through medschool. There's a whole world out there to save.

"God, I want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me"

What now?

2009-02-21T11:23:00.000-08:00

"We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images"

Sometimes, you just gotta let yourself heal. There has been just too much. . .

I know I'm not perfect. I'm know I'm not what you'd want from me. I'm not perfect.

But for a while, I did believe I was.

Sometimes hurt consumes us in grief. Only the people you love can hurt you this much.

All I wanted was someone to be strong for me, for when I couldn't be. But I guess you grew tired of me.

Sometimes, we fall in love with what was.

You were beautiful. You still are, you know. You just don't see it and you've hidden it.

Sometimes, we love till we have no more left to give.

I am spent. There is no other besides you.

Sometimes, you pinch yourself to find out if this is real, if it's really happened.

"So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?"

So what now?

Will you ever return?

Apple-lizing

2009-02-21T07:19:00.000-08:00

I've installed Safari. And it's awesome. I've been trying to install the Stickies but that ain't working.

I swear, my next laptop's gonna be a Macbook. A nice white sleek Macbook.

Also, I've been doing ZERO studying today. Nothing. Zilch. Absolutely nothing. It's a bit alarming really. Medschool suicide.

I've just been so sick of the whole routine. Tired, mentally exhausted. So I took a break, watched a bunch of movies backtoback -I'm now a Hugh Grant fan- and stayed online toggling with blogs, writing, watching MORE telly, inhabiting Granddad's huge golf-course-sized room that has both a comfy sofa for my huge ass and 24 hours of cable. Couchpotatohood is such a luxury during the semester.

Oh. That warm and fuzzy feeling has returned ♥ Ah the unbearable sweetness of being. . .*throws cookies at Chris*

On a more productive note, I've figured out how to make a good cup of hot chocolate. For that, you need Milo and one teaspoon of Nutella. Result = best hot chocolate I've ever tasted.

On another note. I need more shoes and a pair of good headphones. Tomorrow, I visit the mall!

Even that seems like such a luxury. When there's CSU to read up for, PBL to research and lots of CVS lectures to go over.

I also have a super cool voice recorder. It's good I didn't ask for one for my birthday. Because my uncle gave me the one he has at work which is WAY cooler than the one I was looking at. For starters, it has 2gb of space instead of 512mb, it's the higher top of the notch in it's range and it's. . .

Red.

It also currently costs RM799 in the market. Pricey ah? And it runs on just a single triple-A battery too. I shall be using it to record all our lectures from now on. Maybe this will make info stay in my head a bit more. If this doesn't, I dunno what else will.

Ughhh. . .again, I have nothing profound to write about. Well, maybe I do. Just that I'm not done with it.

I've been thinking about running for the SRC (Student Representative Council), for the public liaison's post. This would mean MORE time at uni and MORE time in medschool.

But also a good chance to get involved in some politics. In fact, this would be a very good chance indeed. . .

Should I?

I really don't know.

I'm done being random. I think I shall attempt studying now.

Change

2009-02-21T06:06:00.001-08:00

Yes. But this time, it wasn't so simple.

I couldn't toggle the template on my other account. It never let me. As a result, I couldn't get all pink and in the mood for Valentine's Day. But lucky me, I have a few accounts on blogger. Don't ask why, I just do.

At any rate, I had to import my blog to a much older blog on another account and change the url of the much older one to that of my current one so that if you folks key in it's address you'll end up here instead of there and still be able to read previous posts.

That make any sense at all?

At any rate, Ashyville is still up and running. Perhaps not as frequently updated as before and with less profound content to talk about -I blame medschool- but it's still alive and kicking.

Thank gods it's Friday

2009-02-20T06:58:00.000-08:00

And I somehow feel so tired. Somehow when Friday kicks in, one gets the notion that you have to be out catching up with friends, or just recounting the week, planning the next two days of glorious freedom. I personally wanted to head out for a movie but unfortunately, the friends were busy. All save one but it was too short a notice anyway so I'll save it for after summatives.

So I headed home, tried to nap, that didn't work out. So I drugged myself on panadol -my headaches are coming way too often now- and settled for a movie night in front of the telly in grandma's room. The grandparents are at the uncle's place for the weekend, my mother is in front of HER telly with her two other kids whom she mollycoddles to bits. And I'm here, alone, in this huge room, watching a bunch of musicals with Luthor on my lap, heading the advice of a friend who told me to blog, since it makes me feel better about this somewhat pathetic alternative of a Friday night well spent.

Dream girls was pretty good. I had no idea Eddie Murphy could sing. And Beyonce actually lost quite a bit of weight. I swear, if there's one woman who motivates me to lose weight, it's her. Her body's awesome.

And lost weight I have! Maybe not as significantly as I'd have like to but hey, I appreciate my baby steps. Going down a pants size is definitely a pluspoint in my books. Apparently tummy crunches help. And squats. Thank you, Joanne =D

Next up is Music and Lyrics.

What else?

I figure I'm stressed. I have been for quite a while. I dunno what it is really. Lonely? I thought so, but no, not really. I have good company. Company that never fails to make me all warm and fuzzy inside so that's not really it. I had this really amazing dream a few days ago that made me feel incredible when I woke up. Maybe I'll write about it. It was the perfect dream.

Yes. This post is yet to be written and I'm still watching Music and Lyrics and Hugh Grant is HILARIOUS. The dialogue is so witty and sarcastic. Especially Hugh. Reminds me a lil of House.

I think I'll blog a bit more later. When I feel a lil more articulate.

Why?

2009-02-19T10:12:00.000-08:00

Why.

Why again.

Why NOW?

Why why why why?

*bangs head on table repeatedly*

The pheromones I emit, are too frickin' gender-neutral for my own frackin' good.

Mr Sandman

2009-02-17T07:38:00.000-08:00

I love this song. It's so fairytale-like and the music is soooo ancient but CUTE! I somehow could picture this being a song in the soundtrack that is my life.

The Vday Weekend

2009-02-15T07:26:00.000-08:00

"When I was a little bit younger
The strain I was under could make me cry
Now I’m a little bit older,
A little bit bolder
Never so shy "

Ah the weekend. The glorious topsy-turvied weekends that are my life.

I am happy. I really am. I wasn't yesterday, perhaps. But I am now. I think I'm somewhat settled now. Life is good. The family's decent. The friends are brilliant. Ze medschool is hectic but hey, I think I'm getting my mojo back.

Valentines was awesome.

I was the ZPN's secret Valentine and she had no idea. Hah.

Sha was my secret Valentine, and she got me these.

I love em. They're blue! =D

We escaped to Borders after that, found a nice cosy corner somewhere in one of the aisles and settled down with that awesome book, The Secret to Birthdays and read up on each other's personality readings - which turned out to be extremely accurate actually.

Ah dodgyness.

Then we walked around some more before retiring home. To a slumber party. To pillow talk.

After a hot shower and a cup of milo each later, we just sank back in pure contentment, ready to let the pillow talk begin.

Details? Heh, you need to be a part of the cool kids club first! :P

On Vday itself, I went out with Mum, Dad and Aunty Sharm for dinner. We went to this quaint lil place in Ampang that serves Moghul food. Which is a sorta fancy name for North Indian food I guess. The food was awesome, we had prawn and chicken briyani along with butter chicken, palak paneer (spinach with goat cheese which was served to us sizzling hot) and aloo ghobi (stir fried cauliflower with potatoes). I'd have taken pictures but my phone ran outta juice. It was awesome food though. I might consider driving up there to meet mum for lunch just for the briyani again, it's pretty near her office. Can't remember the name of the place though. But it was kinda cute to have an old chinese dude serving us and mispronouncing stuff on the menu ♥ he was adorable.

I'm picking up the guitar! Yeah, I'm not going for lessons, but just picking up the chords over the net for certain songs. So far I've learnt G, C, E and D. But my fluency isn't all that good yet. My index finger is still recovering from a blister, hah. Let's see how my guitar skills pick up over the year. Any song sounds good when acoustics are put to it. I can't wait to start learning how to play melodies. It's not as easy as I thought it'd be.

So far, I can play 'Anyone else but you' by the Mouldy Peaches and 'Wrapped in your arms' by Fireflight.

Ah music. Tis truly soulfeed.

Once again, nothing profound to report. Not particularly. I'm sinking into the bliss that is music and good book and sleep, oh glorious sleep.

And the bliss that is a pair of good earphones. *hugs earphones*

Also, I'm coming up with a character page for all you people who are a part of Ashyville. Yes. Blog names and perhaps a lil character excerpt that goes with it and why you got thy blog name. Look out for that - it'll come whenever I feel like putting it up :P

Over and out for now. Have a good week folks.

"Sweet darlin’, come hold me,
Just a little bit longer now
Sweet darlin’, come hold me,
Just a little bit longer now"

You're a part time lover and a full time friend

2009-02-14T01:18:00.000-08:00

". . .the monkey on your back is the latest trend,
I don't see what anyone could see in anyone else, but you,"

Happy Blechentines, everyone!

Yes, tis the day where everyone is suffocated in nauseating shades of pink, overpriced chocolates, the most mushiest gooey cards that make the hair on your back rise and loads of couples walking hand in hand, staring at each other all googly-eyed, in star-struck infatuation thinking "This is love. . ."

Bunch of morons they are.

The truth is, you don't need a frackin' partner for Vday. Sure, it's fine and all if ya do. But hey, what about your friends? Family?? You love them too dontcha? Vday's the day to celebrate love. Sure, your argument is, why celebrate on just Valentines when you should show your love every single day of the year?

The truth is, some of us do, some don't. So if you don't and you insist on making a big day outta Vday, go suffocate in some more pink ya moron, you're a frackin' hypocrite. But if you do show your love for everyday of your life to your loved ones and would like one day in the year to glorify love, the one human emotion that can both raise people to great heights and bring them down from pedestals, sure. Go right on ahead.

Love. The most powerful emotion there is in the world next to hate. But I wouldn't know much about hate, I don't really hate anyone I know. I get angry perhaps, but it always dies down after a while.

My point is this.

You CAN celebrate Valentines. I sure did. I had an awesome time with my girlfriends yesterday night and today, I plan to spend time with my family. Tomorrow morning, I've got some quality time to spend with Emperor Insanity. These are the people who mean the most to me in my life right now. And these are the people I intend to share Valentines with. I do my best to show my love to them for every day of the year. I hope that they see it and I apologise if they don't.

You don't have to be in love with a significant other to enjoy Valentines. You don't have to do the mushy cliched stuff too.

Love your loved ones. Care for them. Nurture them for every single day of the year. And Valentines, is the day that commemorates that act of loving. You can't celebrate Vday, if you don't do that.

To love. Here's a nice song that reminds me of a very special someone in my life - mentioned earlier in this post too.

Happy Valentines, everyone.

I've looked for love in stranger places,
but never found someone like you.
Someone whose smile makes me feel I've been holding back,
and now there's nothing I can't do.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

All of our friends saw from the start.
So why didn't we believe it too?
Whoa yeah, now look where we are.
You're in my heart now.
And there's no escaping it for you.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

Walking on the hills that night with those fireworks and candlelight
You and I were made to get love right

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
but most of all it's built to last.

'Cause you are the sun in my universe,
considered the best when we've felt the worst
and most of all it's built to last.

When you think you've seen it all

2009-02-12T09:52:00.000-08:00

He paused for a moment. I looked at my books persistently, hoping he'd not start a conversation. He was polite but he had an obvious apparent curiousity I couldn't place my finger on. I had hoped he'd keep it simple and professional. But no, this surprisingly silent boy who seemed to have no interest for anything but his books was keen on knowing more about me.

"So where in Dallas do you stay?"

Surprised yet again, I answered "Oh just behind that store near Wegener's Heights. It's too far. Just five minutes away from here,"

"Where exactly is that?" his face wrinkled in concentration. "I'm not very familiar with these parts,"

"You know where that new cafe is. . .oh, no you don't," I trailed off, watching his facial expressions contort into what seemed like an apologetic smile. "Well I just live five minutes away from here,"

"Yeah, I don't get out much. I'm pretty antisocial really,"

"Yeah, I know," I said, absent-mindedly looking back at my books.

"What??"

I realised what I had implied. "No I didn't mean you were antisocial. Just that, well, you're quite known or should I say, have a reputation for wanting to be off on your own," I corrected myself quickly.

"Really. . .," he said, looking a little down.

"Well there's nothing wrong with that," I said hastily, not wanting the boy to feel insulted by anything I had said.

"Exams don't matter," he said, looking back at his notes quickly. "It's about being a good doctor. I know people like John would make a pretty good doctor. He knows everything,"

I was, needless to say, quite impressed. Yet skepticism hit me once more.

"I'm sure you're past that stage. I mean you did get straight As, I guess now you're gonna look at the bigger picture. And well, you did better than John. He didn't get all As,"

"What?! Wait, how did you know this??" he said, now thoroughly aghast.

Again, this was not quite the reaction I had expected.

"Well. Erm. I dunno, I guess I heard it from people," I said, now feeling thoroughly uncomfortable.

"John didn't get straight As? But he's so competent. . .he knows everything. . ." he said, trailing off, looking really surprised. "And how did you know I scored As on everything?"

"My dear boy. . ." I said slowly. "The whole school knows!"

"Oh gosh," he looked thoroughly embarassed. "Really. . .I bet they all think I'm a nerd. All I do is this. . ." he lifted up his notes, looking really regretful for some odd reason.

I looked at him. He was so humble. This was the top student in our school, the one who knew everything. Who apparently thought exams weren't important and that being a good doctor was. This was someone I could look up to, who could really motivate me into doing this right. He was philosophical, deep, terribly noble and he actually cared for people, in his own world where only the righteous should exist. Chivalry was dead these days but well, bring on the messiah to medicine.

It was about time anyway.

I gave him an assuring grin.

"Darling, I honestly think that there's no losing out in being a nerd, when it comes to medschool,"

He chuckled - it was perhaps the first time I saw him appreciate humour. He laughed in a child-like manner, glad that someone didn't think him a social misfit. And then he turned back to his notes, those wrinkles appearing again, as he attempted to regain seriousity and remember every single symptom there was to the myriad of vasculitis diseases there exists today.

Twas the night before the quiz

2009-02-12T08:30:00.000-08:00

I am frackin' nervous.

But I am, also, so happy =)

Tomorrow, after the quiz, whatever the outcome, I celebrate.

*happy sigh*

Brown Woman Spotted

2009-02-11T04:38:00.000-08:00

Location : Glenmarie Manor

Time : 0100 hours

Date : 1/1/09

I call it the Brown Woman Boogie.

Oh golly

2009-02-10T18:06:00.000-08:00

Ash used to be very much slimmer at a certain point in time.

So I wasn't a pencil. But definitely way slimmer than I am now.

Yeah I know.

What the frack happened?

Food. That's frackin' what.

This post is for the benefit of the new people in my life. Yes, I've forgotten how it was to feel not fat! Yes, Ash wasn't always a human teddy.

*headdesk*

And there are slimmer days too.

Lordie =(

Whoopdeedoo

2009-02-10T02:25:00.000-08:00

Now I really wish I had happy pills. Screw hormonal pills. Give me antidepressants.

But I don't have those.

So I took a dose of opium and ecstasy instead.

I give you our batch's very own terrorist.

Ze Pervy Nerd aka ZPN.

Ziggy Shahdust on the other hand, had OD-ed on her antibiotics. Midway lecture, she pinched my cheek. :|

Ah girlfriends.

Ah medschool.

Ah life.

I have nothing remotely profound to report today. Except perhaps that I managed to last through the Racist's lecture and make it hope without falling apart. I have so much work to do right now - there's PBL and that dreaded Patho quiz. I'm banking on Siddharth aka Mr Dean's List to bail us out right there. I still have a couple of untouched Patho lectures that I just can't seem to focus on.

Ah my incredibly slow brain.

Help.

Beautiful people

2009-02-09T04:23:00.000-08:00

Cute messages from old/new people in Ashyville:

"Thank you for being a great friend, Ash. A while ago, we met at a party and we clicked. But then circumstances got the best of us and we lost touch. But here we are again. Fate perhaps. Life doesn't always give us second chances unless it's really important,"

I totally agree =)

Angry much?

2009-02-08T23:52:00.000-08:00

A/N - Haha, not really. This was just a poem that I thought of. Figured I'd go with something, I could see the scene playing in my head as I came up with. Mind you, reflective of a PAST experience, nothing current except perhaps the last part :P but yeah, just read it already.

One More Time

You think I'm nothing but a fool

That you could still try and play it cool

But boy, dontchu know I'm onto you?

When you come home with a heart not true

I hear it in the words you say

I see it in the games you play

Your love is words that have no meaning

You say 'don't go' but you know we're dying

I been down this forked road before

Remember my heart bleeding as it tore

You said you hated her yet there you are

Forgiving her in your old blue car

If I'm angry it's only with myself

To have given you all without loving myself

To knowing that there are better men

Who don't cheat and desert their loving women

So I tore the brakes out that night

You and her on that hill basked in moonlight

You see the car slid down oh-so fast

I'm sure you'd have seen my face flashing past

At ease I was to hear the screams

That echoed all my broken dreams

But hey, the job was truly done

In the end, there is always only one

I'm happy now with my new man

He isn't perfect but he'll do fine

He knows to never cross the line

Cuz I'd not hesitate to take out them brakes, one more time.

Well, read and review. Though nobody hardly ever does.

God, life and random thoughts

2009-02-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

I can't find the words to explain it,
Ain't it, crazy how I fall,
Everytime you call my name.

Yet another epiphany struck me.

Well not really an epiphany. I mean I've always been told such but only now am I really beginning to appreciate it's true form of practice.

Too often have I faced disappointment in people. Some have been just downright jerks, shielding themselves so well against people like me, who always want to see the best in people. I've fallen prey to such people and well, I've learnt valuable lessons. Basically, to not have any form of expectations to people.

Unfortunately, all of us play roles in our lives. As daughters, sons, siblings, cousins, partners, friends, we all play a role. To be anyone of the above means we have a role. And to fit a role, there are somethings we have to do, which are naturally expected of us. Therein lies your expectations. So although it's true that we are disappointed less when we don't expect, my argument is that. . .

It's impossible to not expect. However, it is the degree of expectation, that you can modify.

Then there are people who aren't really bad people but again, can't live up to the position on the pedestals I've placed them on. I then realised the reason I get disappointed so is merely because I have such high expectations of people and I have yet to find the one person who fulfills all expectations in every aspect of life.

By gods, I think I'm looking for God!

How ironic is that?

You see, I finally realised that I am on the quest for the perfect human being. The perfect human being whom I can trust entirely. One who fulfills every aspect that I lack. When I'm down, he/she comforts me with just the right amount of empathy. When I feel alone, he/she's there for me, the mere presence itself is solace. When I'm on a forked path, he/she provides logical advice as to which would be the right decision. When my ambitions are abundant and I need the motivation to push through, the confidence to achieve all I want to, he/she tells me that I can do it and makes life easier for me by cheering me up to alleviate the stress and tension. He/she doesn't even have to ask if everything's ok, he'd/she'd just know. And loyalty. . .ah loyalty. I cannot even begin to describe how this word has begun to lose meaning in the structure of humanity these days. You could be the closest of buddies, the most intimate of partners. But betrayal still exists. And loyalty, forgotten.

I have yet to travel far. I have so many more people to meet, places to go, a whole life awaits me out there. Maybe that perfect human being is out there. But somehow, based on what I've seen so far, I find that rather hard to believe. And I believe, that this omnipresence that goes by many names, The Big Guy etc, I guess if it's anyone, he'd/she'd be the closest to this perfection that I am seeking.

So you know what? I'm going to meditate more. Look up all the scriptures, the books by sages and rishis. Be it God or a big blue ball of energy, I'd like to have hope that the perfect being exists out there. He may not be human, I ain't racist. He may not even be a he but a She, no? Why make omnipresence masculine?

But if I had no hope that He/She wasn't out there, I'd see no hope in being alive. As such, a glimmer of hope exists.

To this, I'd like to correct those who think I'm an infidel -some even accused me of talking ill of Jesus. For those who really know me, you should know that although I have been skeptical of some things, I have never badmouthed or spoken ill of another person's beliefs. Your belief system is as sacred as mine is. I have respect for your system, you bloody well respect mine and not try and make me eat beef.

I believe in the greater good, the balance of life and it is this goodness that I like to call the omnipresence. God lives in us all. He lives in every kind thought and action that we have. Every good deed done. Every step taken to look after those around us. That is the God I believe in. Who lives in things like love, friendship, loyalty, and devotion. Fine human traits we all should attempt to master.

To, God. I toast to your existence.

Did I mention that I love you so,
and I just want the world to know,
if I could you kno I would write your name across the sky.

There and back again

2009-02-08T10:52:00.000-08:00

When the cold of winter comes,
starless night will cover day.

In the vieling of the sun,
we will walk in bitter rain.

But in dreams,
I can hear your name.
And in Dreams,
we will meet again.

Not to worry folks. Your favourite Brown Woman is back in action.

Lots has happened. One week certainly has been long. I've never refrained from blogging for this long. But it did me good. There are some things I just have to NOT blog about here.

I would say that the issues I've been having have come to pass. Being thick-skinned certainly is the way to go. The love of my life would be medschool, at the moment. Time for me to invest all form of brain matter into this. Screw farking hormones. This one gets me a degree and a job.

Depression was what I was dealing with. Yes, the clinical form of it. Hah, surprising, no? Amazing how someone can be seemingly chirpy during the day and buckets of salty goodness at the end of it. Ah well, what can I say, they've all been self-inflicted.

At any rate, I'm pretty sure it'll return. Should you see long spells of no blogging, be warned.

Too much has been going on for me to blog about. So perhaps a point-list?

I went for a major family party today and it rocked - oddly enough, I think a second cousin has the hots for me. Which is just, so weird, it's not even funny. There was good music and tonnes of people I had lost touch with.
I got an extremely sweet gift *hugs Ziggy Shahdust, Sha and Baby Teddy*
I've found an old friend who is, actually, a really good friend =)
I watched Milo and Otis ♥ I want a kitten and a pug!
I re-editted the short stories I plan to send in for submission
I am mastering the art of being thick-skinned
I realised that the people who truly love and care for you, will be there for you, no matter what and the small things won't matter anymore. I know who loves me now! :P
I have a TON of work to do - that's definitely not funny
I finally impressed a certain someone with my knowledge on a certain something =D
I have a great life. Whoever's not in it is just really missing out.

When the sea and mountains fall,
and we come to end of days.

In the dark I hear a call,
calling me there.

I will go there and back again.

Hell yeah, baby.

Going away

2009-02-01T09:51:00.000-08:00

If this blog isn't updated in a while, it's because I'm taking a break. I'm dealing with something that I don't wanna talk about. Well at least not here. I'll be back, so don't fret. I just need some time away. If I don't answer phone calls or messages, again, don't worry, I'm still alive unless mum calls you up to attend a funeral.

I'm just kidding about that last part. Just gonna disappear for a bit.

Ciao.

Almost orgasmic

2009-02-01T01:34:00.000-08:00

"Walking on the hills that night with those fireworks and candlelight
You and I were made to get love right"

Nokia, has an awesome new phone to be launched soon.

♥

Yes. It was love at first sight. But anyone ever understand the feeling of loving something so much yet never being able to have it?

Alas. I know such feeling now.

The N97 has everything. A touch screen WITH a qwerty keypad, it LOOKS awesome, sleek, has 3G, a 5mp camera, 32gb of internal memory and an expandable slot for extra memory should one ever need more and here are just some MORE of it's awesome specs:

	5 MP, 2584x1938 pixels, Carl Zeiss optics, autofocus, video(VGA@30fps), flash; secondary videocall camera
	- Built-in GPS receiver - A-GPS support - Nokia Maps 2.0 Touch - Digital compass - Java MIDP 2.0 - MP3/WMA/WAV/eAAC+ player - MPEG4/WMV/3gp video player - Stereo FM radio with RDS - FM transmitter - TV out - 3.5 mm audio output jack - Voice command/dial - Document viewer

Is it awesome or WHAT?

This is Nokia's attempt at competing with Sony's Xperia. Though admittedly, other brands appear to have better graphics than Nokia, Nokia's camera and user-friendly interface rocks all the brands by far. And I've tried ALL the brands. SE has both user friendly and good graphics - but their designs aren't all that great. In the design and aesthetic aspect, LG and Samsung come up with a lot of sleek sexy numbers that capture anyone's eye. But I traded in beauty for functionality. At the end of the day, it's functionality that counts. Screw beauty.

Men should think about that too when choosing their girlfriends or wives.

And why can't I get this phone?

Because I'm guessing it costs around the price of a decent laptop.

When you want a man from a boy

2009-02-01T01:19:00.000-08:00

A/N - This idea came to me when I was thinking and reflecting about some things friends have said, some experiences they've talked to me about and insights shared by some women folk. I wouldn't say it applies to anything I'm going through at the moment, but perhaps a common issue instead that most women face when going through relationships at an early age, looking for That Fabled One.

Instead of coming up with a solution, an idea for a poem popped up instead!

When you want a man from a boy

When you want a man from a boy
You'll see that it is foolish
It's like asking a parent for an expensive toy
You know you'll never get it
No matter how much you beg for it

When you ask for a man from a boy
He'll give you all he can
Till the ice cream truck comes a-calling
He'll leave you there wondering
Where did this lad go?

When you expect a man from a boy
He'll hold your hand when it suits
Let it go when he's bored
When his old toy works no more
And his patience worn out thin

When you want a man from a boy
remember that it will never happen
This boy has a heart of gold
But perhaps just not so old
To give you what you need

But someday, this boy will be a man
And perhaps then, he'll hold your hand
This time he'll never let go
To the ends of earth with you he'll follow
Because he's forever yours

So when that boy becomes a man
Learn to hold him with gentle hands
He's only human just like you
But he'll never ever make you blue
Because his love for you will be so true

Somehow, I can see myself reading this again to a daughter I may have in the future =)

Satisfaction?

2009-01-31T23:56:00.000-08:00

"I can't get no satisfaction
I can't get no girl reaction
'cause i try and i try and i try and i try
I can't get no, i can't get no"

It's interesting how some people really have improved with their writing skills.

Two writers very close to me have managed that. The first person used to have real issues with spelling but had very good story plots - better than any I could come up with - but had a real issue with putting it to words as her command of the language wasn't too good. So I recommended several books to her and also gave her some lessons on how to potray certain scenes, how not to put too much description into the stories, how to make dialogue short and sweet with a tinge of drama to keep the reader hanging on. Her stories are awesome now -tho admittedly, focused on romance mostly - capturing the depth and emotion of characters really well. The grammar mistakes have been cut down to an all-low now and if she published anything, I'd definitely say it'd be worth buying.

Another case was with this writer who used to have tonnes of ideas as well but never had the patience to word it out well enough with the right amount of description. In his case, the reader never had an inkling of the setting or what was going on around the dialogue he was presenting. After pointing it out, he's improved dramatically. I just finished reading one of his stories and I must say, the boy has talent. His seem to be more archaelogical, along the lines of something like National Treasure or Indiana Jones even. An overused theme for adventure, sure, but well, the boy does it alright and he's definitely come a long way from just writing for fun to professional writing.

No credit attributed to me, I don't really want it. But somehow, I am satisfied. And will perhaps always live with the secret amusement that it was I who created them. Much to their disdain.

Who are they?

I ain't tellin'.

=)

2009-01-31T11:28:00.000-08:00

Mood therapy is definitely what I need right now. And what better to help but shopping?

Hit Subang Parade today, since I'm spending the weekend in Glenmarie. I love that mall, it somehow has everything I could want in a small amount of space. There's a Dorothy Perkins, an MPH bookstore, a Reject Shop ♥ and quaint lil kiosks here and there that sell friggin' cheap accessories.

Ah yes. I indulge in my feminism when woe befalls me.

But after a nice call from Ziggy Shahdust, cheered up I was indeed.

Also, I'm sure that nice notebook I got today and two new tops helped to a certain extent.

A girl's day out, is very much needed. Time for more desserts and coffee.

I even managed to get some studying today! Ask me now the name of a sodium and water balance altering drug there is in the use of antihypertensives!

Thiazides (for moderate hypertension) =D and loop diuretics aka Lasix (or Furosemide) for severe hypertension! =D

Studying certainly is a good distracting-mechanism. Ironically enough.

PS - I wish though I could make some posts private. There are some people I no longer want reading my blog and knowing what I get up to. Girlfriends, you do not fit this bill.

Broken

2009-01-30T07:12:00.000-08:00

It's like someone crushed my heart into a million pieces.
And then threw it onto the floor and stomped on it some more.

Hope is, a bitter illusion. Meant for no one but fools.

I am said fool.

When I met the Queen Bee and other musings

2009-01-30T03:22:00.000-08:00

Yes. Camwhoring happens everywhere. In this instance, we remembered as we were pulling up to the front of my house that we had yet to take pictures. So that's where we took em. The front of my house.

Of course, we chunky women naturally took up most of the camera screen anyway so all you lot will see is us.

Yeap. We colour-coded telepathically.

*

I need purpose. I mean sure, studying has become my JOB. Like routine. But it needs a bigger purpose. Not just a bloody medical degree but you know, purpose that is somewhat noble. Sure there's saving lives and all that. But that's what any dedicated soul-loving doctor does. It doesn't make a whole world of difference. Well not in posh cultures. I wanna be able to make a difference where it really counts.

But you know, even making people happy is a selfish thing. Ironically, Phoebe Buffet of Friends proved that even something seemingly selfless has an ulterior selfish motion to it. We human beings are just incapable of being selfless. Why, I wonder?

Like see, the reason I wanna do something somewhat noble is because I feel that I've been put on this planet for a reason and that I can't just spend this lifetime going through the motions without it having some form of purpose. I mean what, do I reach moksha at the end of this? Do I die a grandma of 30 grandkids? And is that it? Is THAT what I'm going to be remembered for?

I want something profound. I still want the nomalcy of life but also the ability to create miracles for people who deserve em. I want to be able to make a difference. A significant one.

This is why I want to adopt my kids. All of em. I mean sure, I could try and have my own but what about all the homeless ones already out there? This is also why I don't wanna JUST be a doctor. There's so much knowledge outside of medicine itself. How do I stick my fingers in everything in just this lifetime?

It's in instances like this when I wish that the reincarnation theory's solid. I mean, raise your hands folks, if this is your ninth life?

I want to know and experience so much more.

I want to be able to do so much.

She's so high

2009-01-30T00:49:00.000-08:00

I love this song. It's my happy song. Each time I listen to it, I feel like getting up and dancing.
Also, I think this would be the perfect wedding song for the bride.

Tal Bachman - She's So High (Official Music Video) - The funniest home videos are here

by Tal Bachman

She's blood, flesh and bone
no tucks or silicone
She's touch, smell, sight, taste and sound
but somehow I can't believe
that anything should happen
I know where I belong
and nothing's gonna happen, yeah.

Cause she's so high, high above me, she's so lovely.
She's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc or Aphrodite
Do, do, do, do do
She's so high, high above me.

A first class and fancy free,
she's high society,
she's got the best of everything.
What could a guy like me ever really offer?
She's perfect as she can be,
why should I even bother --- Aha

Cause she's so high, high above me, she's so lovely
she's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc or Aphrodite
Do, do, do, do do
she's so high, high above me

She comes to speak to me,
I freeze immediately,
cause what she says sounds so unreal,
Somehow I can't believe,
that anything should happen
I know where I belong
and nothing's gonna happen, yeah yeah yeah

Cause she's so high, high above me, she's so lovely
she's so high, like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc or Aphrodite
Oh yeah yeah yeah
she's so high, high above me.

I love this song *happy sigh*

Fake article no. 1

2009-01-29T10:46:00.000-08:00

Well here goes. I don't claim to be a literary genius or a top-notch reporter. So to whom this bit of writing may concern, do read and review.

Recent studies by a team of professors in the International Medical University have unearthed a radical breakthrough in the conquest that is the search for the cure to the Acquired Immune Defficiency Syndrome, otherwise known as AIDS. Professor JPJ and his team of experts released a press statement just several hours ago with what seemed like that of an exhuberant flourish.

"We've been working on the different strains and it's mechanics in how it inhabits the human host. The key was in the virus itself. By coming up with a new strain of the virus that inserts it's viral DNA into the HIV virus, the pre-existing old strain then acquires a self-destruct order of sorts, completely obliterating the old virus and the new strain harmlessly co-exists in the host cell without interfering in the mechanics that is our regular cellular metabolism,"

When further enquired about this new strain of virus that has raised many concerns by ethical groups and other teams of researchers all over the world, Professor JPJ assured the public that human trials will commence shortly and that any side effects of the cure will not be witheld from the public.

"We wouldn't want a massive genocide of the world now, would we?" he remarked jokingly, to a Discovery News Network reporter at the KLCC twin towers in Kuala Lumpur today.

A press conference was held today at the KLCC Convention Centre to disclose to the public the intricities and further expectations of the research. Professor JPJ spoke of possible outcomes and what this could mean to the world of medicine in treating those terminally ill with HIV.

"We're not just talking about curing drug addicts and prostitutes. What about the children who suffer with this condition unknowingly? What about those who acquire it by accident? We're creating opportunities for people to reclaim their lives and have a second chance to make themselves worth something,"

Scientists Today have heralded this as a major breakthrough in medical sciences, also quoting Professor JPJ's profound statement in closing his speech.

"Today folks, humanity's reach is well beyond the grasp of imagination. We live in such times,"

- Reported by Miss Lolita, The Discovery News Network

Contact me

2007-10-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

Yes. Should you all inevitably turn to stalkers due to inevitable obsession over my impeccable wisdom, here are several ways you may contact me.

I doubt there'd be fans though there have been stalkers. So yeap, I shall cater to you misguided lot, ye poor underdogs =D

MSN : ash_hera@hotmail.com

YM : ash_hera@yahoo.com

or

drop me an email at : ash.hera@gmail.com
Should you use gtalk, you could just add me there instead.

Should you harass me, I WILL hunt you down and make your life a living hell =D

Toodles.

The highways leading back to Ashyville

2007-08-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

Friends + Family

Loved ones, dear friends and people who make little or big footprints in Ashyville, either way, they're here to stay :)

Emperor Insanity || Chris
Apathia || Chao Yi
Where Potatoes Boil Right || Philee
1/2+1/2=1 || Jules
Seeking & Searching || Jawing
Estherchin || Esther
Necdeusintersit || Kel
The Screw Files || Isuru
Funkymonkey || Erin
Bijoysworld || Bijoy
Oh8forteen || Emkay
Suthie The Poet || Suthagar
Dyan The Diva || Yee Hong
Chocafeinoholic || Shamini
Curryz || Mark
Dementia || Jo
Gheyness || Hyon Xhi
Uprooted || Pai
Life for Rant || Loges
Just Plain Ole Justin || Justin
Ponderings || James
Draw Me Closer || Poh Wei
When Ambition Meets Faith || Raihanah

Blogosphere:

Random people you come across when blogsurfing and after a few comments (and pictures and posts and possible meet-ups), they ain't so random anymore =D Good reads to follow, so CLICK!

Royal Shortness || David
Booby Rants || Sabrina
Quiet Superstitions || Anu
Anjali Speaks || Anjali
Joshienizer || Apoorva
Flux || Flux
Falconed || Falcon
The Write Therapy || Jens
Jason Mumbles || Jason
Thoughts. Stories. Me. and You. || WenQ

IMU Folk:

Well this one's self-explainatory =D For all those new to Ashyville and for the phase that is varsity.

Type 89 || Esther
Princess Rin || Jade
Bedazzled || Premi
The Infallible Advenures of Ziggy Shahdust and the Turtle from the Stars || Zia
Rantings || Natasha
Little Miracles of Life || Joanne
3 Blind Mice || Vidya =D (Finally, no? =P)

So here are the links, and here will they stay. Should you want to exchange links or be linked, leave a comment here and The Brown Woman will see if thou art worthy of being linked.

This be serious business yo.

I keeel you

2007-08-12T04:02:00.000-07:00

Attention all numskulls and dimwits who would actually take the contents of my blog to public and authoritarian attention =D

Ash reserves all the rights to her blog. She WILL tend to get nasty and will bitch and moan about her nonsensical but very significant life.

But this is HER blog. And as such, she is entitled to do as such.

Many will most certainly find the contents thoroughly disconcerting (particularly the government). As such, do not be surprised if you find the blog not updated in long spells, she does not heed the Internal Security Act, you see.

But she most certainly will continue blogging - yes, even after she gets out - and if you read and find yourself annoyed, irked, upset whatsoever…

What can I say. Sucks to be you =D

About Ashyville and it's primary resident, The Brown Woman

2007-07-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

Hello, insignificant one. So you want to know who's behind this monstrousity eh?

Ashyville is a domain, a lair, a thought-collector for the wandering thoughts of the infamous Brown Woman. It features, The Brown Woman and other characters from her life that have been eloquently nicknamed on her blog so their names don't show up on a Google search engine because SOME people like to google their names when extremely bored - you no-life gits.

The Brown Woman is a bitter, cynical, occasionally introverted but usually extroverted equivocated personality that you might never want to meet. She has very little patience for stupidity and has trouble trusting anyone with anything save her incredibly esteemed and intelligent self. The Brown Woman is also of the assumption that she is, by far, the most intelligent being to have ever dwelled this Earth when it comes to understanding people and as such, everyone around her is assumed to be completely and utterly stupid which occasionally leads to the theory that she might indeed be a demigod - should gods exist to begin with. This does not mean she loves you any less, she just has little very little patience with you.

And as you can also see, she is not spared from modesty.

The Brown Woman spends most of her time observing people and trying to think up of ways to make the world a better place to live in or sometimes even try to save it.However, you cannot really save what you don't understand and that's just exactly what The Brown Woman plans to do - to further understand the world.

Ashyville is the stage of her life in her twenties where she discovers more about the world and it's stupid people. This blog will present her musings, her thoughts and her reflections, all of which will be extremely vital wisdom for you insignificant ones to follow up with continuously. By reading Ashyville and making it your daily Bible, you will further enlighten your shallow, stupid souls and if lucky, achieve a nirvana or moksha of sorts - or even see the light!

And that's just if you get lucky.

The Brown Woman used to be known as The Coconut, which potrayed the adolescent period of her life and all works and wisdom discovered and learned then can be found
at this website > The Coconut Chronicles. The previous blog was a success, encompassing of readers from all continents in the world. Ashyville is the next decade, the podium in which she will strut on (heels and all) for the next 10 years or till the next major paradigm shift comes into motion. Or apocalypse, whichever's more catchy really.

As for the basic details? Well The Brown Woman is :

currently 21
very brown
pretty round too
~~incredibly dry/cynical~~ you already know that
like an M&M, with a hard outer shell and mushy cliched centre - yummy no?
lives somewhere at the edges of KL city centre, watching all vehicles pollute the stupid world we live in and slowly bring us to an intoxicating death
not spared of hormones like all females
a cat-lover but not a dog-hater. . .unless of course, the dog ate the cat which would entail her using this red bazooka she keeps under her bed
a fan of all things blue - because it's TRANQUIL and not DEPRESSING
a med student in the International Medical University at Bukit Jalil (IMU)

And tada, she's done.

Now, clap la!